Why Your Recruitment Chair Gives Zero Fucks

Why Your Recruitment Chair Gives Zero Fucks

This is your Recruitment Chair speaking. I’m the senior bitch that everyone hates all year round, but especially this time of year. I’m not normally one to resort to such strong language (unless Sean picks someone named Desiree or Tierra over me to be his wife), but desperate times call for desperate measures. I know that you all hate me, talk behind my back, and think that I exist solely to suck the joy out of your lives. While that may be true, I just wanted to share a little bit of insight about what it’s like to be me, and why all of my fucks have been wasted on recruitment, leaving me none to give to you.

Literally Everyone Is Breathing Down My Back

Although each girl has her own opinions about how recruitment should be run, I’m the one who has to come up with the game plan for the semester that suits the needs of hundreds of girls. On one hand, you have the executive board trying to make sure everything goes off without a hitch, while strictly adhering to traditions and chapter bylaws. On the other hand, you have standards making sure you’re representing your chapter in a boring, classy manner, and that you don’t come to an event after taking a couple of harmless shots of vodka like you did last time. On the other perfectly manicured foot (because we’re running out of hands here), you have that new active who’s only been involved for two semesters but thinks she knows more than the senior who literally runs everything (me). You also have the girls who, thank God, can be put on kitchen duty. I’m not just talking about those awkward-looking legacies, but also, the girls who won’t pipe the fuck down about how they would do recruitment. We all remember that you ran for recruitment chair, sweetie. Now let’s all remember who won.

No One Thinks Recruitment Events Are Mandatory

24 hours before our most recent event, I received countless texts from girls who were “interning until 6,” had “class from 5:30-9:30 and would only be there for a few minutes,” and the very worst had “something come up.” Bull. I understand that recruitment events aren’t as much fun as formal, that they include a lot of small talk with GDIs who are blissfully unaware of their GDI-ness, and that they’re (theoretically) dry events. You spend hours talking to hundreds of girls and pray you remember a few of them to vote on, even though you know you’ll just vote for the pretty ones like you always do, but I have spent months planning these events. MONTHS. I have skipped classes, work, and my internship to make building reservations, pick up cupcakes, and make crafts to hand out like I’m freaking Martha Stewart. Aside from all of that, I took this job because I actually thought it would be important to get to know the PNMs. You know why? Because they are the future of this sorority. When we’re long gone, those PNMs won’t be PNMs anymore. They’ll be the president, the social chair, and, that’s right, the recruitment chair. I fell in love with this sorority the moment I stepped into our first event. I want that magical moment to continue to occur when pretty girls come to our events for years to come. In order for that to happen, they need to be wowed by the girls that we recruit. So please, at least act like this is important.

I’m a Senior

I will finally be graduating in three months, two weeks, and four days, but hey, who’s counting? For normal people, this means a semester full of laughter, relaxation, and taking “Volleyball 101” for course credit. I, on the other hand, am taking 19 hours, working, interning, AND organizing the most important series of events this organization will be a part of all year. Sorry, sweetie, but I really don’t care that you were asked to babysit until 9:30. I’m trying to write a piece of legislation by drafting it to Siri, as I drive to DSW to pick up a decent pair of heels for the girl who forgot to bring hers back to campus after break. All the while, I’m trusting that my committee will actually be hanging up the flyers I had to rush order from Kinko’s because our event location didn’t confirm that we could use their space until 48 hours before the event.

Are you starting to see why I am the way I am? I know I’m known as the chapter bitch, and I also know I deserve it, but even though I am bitchy, deep down, it comes from a place of love for my sorority. All I want is for everything to be as magical and perfect for these PNMs, the future of our letters, as it was for us when we were freshmen. Recruitment will be over soon, and I’ll come back to you, (slightly) less bitchy and (relatively) sane again. Just power through these next few weeks with me, and trust that I’m not actually out to get you…most of the time.

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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at

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