There are few things in this world that are worse than being cheated on. Getting your sex organs chopped off not once but TWICE in one day definitely tops that list.
Recently in China, 21-year-old wife and scorned woman Feng Lung found out her husband was having an extramarital affair after he used her cell phone to send his mistress a steamy hot email and forgot to log out, like a dumbass. Naturally, the wife went absolutely batshit crazy, and in a fit of rage, she grabbed a pair of REALLY sharp scissors and hacked away at his penis while he was sleeping. The horrible cheater was then rushed to the hospital, where doctors were able to successfully reattach his severed member. Before the stitches could heal, though, Feng snuck into his hospital room and cut it off AGAIN, this time making sure to throw the thing out of the window. Let me be perfectly clear: A PENIS FLEW OUT OF A HOSPITAL WINDOW.
It gets better (or worse, depending on how you look at it). Despite valiant efforts by the hospital’s staff, they were unable to locate the husband’s johnson. “Police believe it may have been stumbled upon by a stray dog or cat,” the New York Post reports. That’s right, somewhere out there in the world is a canine or feline creature gnawing on a severed penis like a fleshy chew toy. Feng was arrested, but I know she’s feeling a little smug about her amateur surgical procedures.
As wildly obscene as this story is, Feng is not a hero. Scorned women everywhere should know they have options that do not include cutting off their cheating exes’ penises. Here are a few ways to get revenge on your former lover that don’t involve jail time:
- Use what you learned from reading Fifty Shades of Grey to pen the most descriptive, hot and heavy erotica ad in the men-seeking-men casual encounters section of Craigslist. Include his phone number.
- Send him an iTunes gift of every Nickelback album ever recorded.
- Bake him a beautiful but not-so-delicious cake and write something on it that sums up your feelings toward him, like “fuck you.”
- Take a cue from this woman and literally paint your message on the wall.
- Discreetly cut a hole in the crotch of his favorite trousers since he has so much trouble keeping it in his pants.
- Sign him up to receive various brochures about sexually transmitted diseases. You never know, he may actually need them one day.
- Cut him out of your life, move on, and be really, really happy about it. This isn’t the most fun option, but it’s definitely the best.
[via New York Post]
Image via Shutterstock