I would say I’m “addicted” to Diet Coke. I have a can in the morning while I’m waiting on coffee, another with lunch, and then usually one of the caffeine free variety at night. Hey, a girl’s gotta get her beauty sleep. I’ve been told before that I have a problem, that three Diet Cokes a day is out of control. To all of my haters, I introduce to you Jakki Ballan, consumer of 50–that’s right, FIFTY–cans of Diet Coke DAILY.
In case you consume Diet Cokes from a 2 liter (shameful) for reference, Ballan’s 50-can consumption is equal to 28 pints per day. Weekly, she consumes double her body weight in Diet Coke. I hope girlfriend’s hitting the gym, because we all know how heavy those fridge packs can be–and Ballan’s picking up more than four of those daily.
We’ve all been warned about the side effects of too much diet soda: diabetes, eroding teeth, and blah, blah, blah, but Ballan’s addiction has her experiencing some rather interesting effects. She suffers constant headaches as well as hallucinations. Ballan says, “I see strange things like oranges flying across the room,” which is something most of us would only experience after mixing our Diet Cokes with something distinctively stronger. Her physician has also warned her that consuming such an insane amount of soda will also lead to eventual bone damage.
If that didn’t deter you from consuming Ballan’s level of Diet Coke, the high cost of her addiction certainly will. She estimates that she’s spent a total of around $1 BILLION on Diet Coke in her lifetime. Although having an extra billion dollars to blow on Diet Coke is definitely a TSM, I’d rather buy a mansion, a Range Rover, an island, and hire Beyoncé to perform at my next birthday party. I think I’d still have a couple million left over for all the Diet Coke my heart desires. Here’s hoping that this high figure means Ballan also has enough of a nest egg saved up to replace her teeth and probably all of her internal organs in the near future.
I’ll never be able to live up to Ballan, but I definitely know who I’ll reference the next time I get scolded for drinking “too much” Diet Coke. Thanks for making us all look good by comparison, Jakki. We owe you one.