Woman Uses Nike+ To Create Giant Dick Drawings While Running

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Claire Wyckoff doesn’t run often, but when she does, she uses Nike+ to create pictures of beautiful, giant, hard penises.

Just kidding. Well, about the “doesn’t run often” thing, not about the “drawing penises thing.” That part is totally, amazingly true. Considering the fact that some of her artwork is more than five miles long–and considering the fact that I can’t run up a flight of stairs–she must get out there pretty often.

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She calls it “running drawing” and has a whole blog dedicated to her foot-abulous (hold the applause on the pun, I’m here all week) works of art. She’s recently received a ton of buzz, because honestly, who doesn’t like to look at crude drawings of dicks? Answer: no one. Everyone likes looking at crude drawings of dicks. And boy, does she draw dicks–big dicks, little dicks, dicks of all shapes and sizes. Not only does she draw dicks while running (she should get an award for planning, motivation, and organization) but she makes guys feel okay about themselves in a world where every man is expected to have one type of man dick and one type of man dick only: circumcised, cleaned every five minutes, well groomed, and at least seven inches.

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This San Francisco saint doesn’t limit herself to just hairy cocks and balls. She likes to really explore herself as an artist. Some of her recent work includes an alien from the 1978 Atari game Space Invaders, a stripper, and a giant, 3.16 mile hand flipping the bird, which she titled “fuck cancer.” And just like that, a new heroine is made.

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She started as a normal woman who just wanted to exercise and release the inner 14-year-old boy inside of her, but now, in the eyes of America and every immature runner (and those of us who sit on the couch and consider running but then remember that running is hard so we eat pizza rolls instead) she has become the Katniss of Nike+ dick drawings. And really, who needs a bow and arrow when you have running shoes and an immature mind? May the running dick drawings be ever in your favor, Claire. God bless you.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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