I don’t know how to break this to you, but your sex life basically sucks. I know you think you’re having a good time and all, but there are women out there having “super orgasms.” And I know what you’re thinking: Aren’t all orgasms super? Yes. Except they’re more super when they happen over 100 times in a row, which is apparently possible, so fuck us, right? Or don’t, because why bother.
How is this possible? Apparently “super orgasmic” women have a greater blood flow to their chuckies as well as more alpha waves during masturbation than “single orgasmic” women. Not much you can do about the blood flow, but alpha waves basically mean, they’re just more relaxed. Experts recommend “turning off the brain, becoming less engaged and letting go.”
So that’s all you have to do! Stop thinking! Some fucking EXPERTS these guys are, because if I were able to stop thinking, don’t you think I MIGHT not be sitting here wondering why my roommate used the slanty emoji when she last texted me? Don’t you think I MIGHT not be sitting on a text to this dude for two hours, because I’m not sure if the wording is quite right? Seriously!
And why, exactly, are you putting the allure of the “super orgasm” into our heads. Why is this something we have to feel bad about not being able to achieve? Can’t we just let this be another myth that some people believe in like Bigfoot or astrology? Kidding, astrology is real.
Frankly, I think these women are just showing off. Why do you need multiple orgasms at a time? Do you know there are women who aren’t having orgasms AT ALL and you are hoarding HUNDREDS of them for yourself at a time? Share the fucking wealth ladies.
I think we’re done here..
[via The Sun]
Image via Shutterstock
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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