Level 3: Time To Change Your Name And Move Across The World
4. Who Are You Always Texting On Your Phone? Do You Not Value This Relationship? Why Are You Such A Fucking Dick?
Worse than just asking if you want to be exclusive, you had the bright idea to badger him about his personal life. More specifically, if he’s talking to, sleeping with, or making eye contact with other bitches. You’ll need to do this in public, and loudly, because how can you get the truth if you don’t shout, “who the FUCK is Stacey” across the bar? No matter how this ends, it won’t be good. He either gets freaked out about how crazy you are and pumps the breaks, you have a very awkward conversation about trust and boundaries, or he just never talks to you again. All great results of that last shot of Fireball.
3. Do You Still Love Your Ex?
I cringe just thinking about this one. If there’s one person I wish we could all just erase from our minds (and our boyfriends’ minds, while we’re at is) is the ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter that they’re no longer together. It doesn’t matter that he’s with us in at least some sense. What matters is that he used to be with her, she still exists, and we hate her GD guts. So you conveniently bring her up because you’re feeling vulnerable and you just stalked the shit out of her Facebook while he was in the bathroom. No matter what he says, it’s just terrible. If he says no, you don’t believe him, and you’re mad because he remembers that she still exists. And if he says yes then he FUCKING STILL LOVES HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND. My advice? Lock yourself in a padded room if this question even pops into your head before a night of drinking. It’s for the best.
2. *Anything Where You Go Up To That Girl You Hate*
It’s honestly not your fault. The girl you hate just so happened to be at the same bar as you (or on social media and you accidentally stumbled upon her profile and then accidentally sent her a private message) and you felt the need to say something. Everything. From how much you don’t like her, to how weird it as that she’s still hanging around her ex, to how he doesn’t even love her anymore, and maybe how you’re jealous of her. It could go a lot of different directions, and none of them are even remotely good. Not only will it feed your obsession with her, but it’ll let her know that *you* know she exists, which is basically like waving a white flag. We know she’s a bitch. We know you hate her. Try to leave her alone. Just try.
1. Do You Still Love Me?
The worst of the worst. The most painful. The number one bad idea conversation. The “do you still love me” pops up when you’re feeling particularly lonely and come in contact with the person you once thought was the one. Sure, maybe you came in contact because you called him 14 times until he finally answered his phone but still. You need to know whether or not there’s still something there. So you cast aside your logic, your dignity, and the fact that this asshole fucked you over and you’re dating someone else and ask if he still loves you. And the answer? It doesn’t even matter. If he does still have feelings you now feel like a dick because you’re not going to be with him (you’re not, right?). And if he doesn’t still have feelings then that means he’s actually over you and that’s just like a hard “no.” in your book.
Maybe next time just stay home, okay?.
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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