I’ve been accused, recently, of hating couples. I don’t. When I was part of a couple, I liked being in a relationship very much right up until I didn’t, and when I’m single, I have the propensity of being “the favorite friend” of my friends’ boyfriends. To be fair, I’m also usually “the favorite friend” of their brothers, home friends, cousins, sisters, and whomever else. In fact, “VeronicaFest” was once organized because I was visiting my roommate’s hometown for the first time, and I’m such a good time. True story. I digress. My point is, I don’t hate couples. I like tons of couples very much. I don’t mind third wheeling or even fifth wheeling when the couples I’m with don’t suck.
The problem, of course, is that many couples do suck. They make themselves uncomfortable to be around because they call each other by pet names, engage in PDA, and otherwise behave in a way to remind everyone around them that they’re a “we.” This is not by any means a characteristic of all couples, but a great many. Those are the couples with whom I take issue. Being in love is lovely. Emotional PDA is not. A good couple knows that there is a time to act as a couple, and there is a time to act as two awesome people hanging out with other people. Handholding, kissing, baby talk, and the like are inappropriate in front of others. Frankly, it pisses people off.
It’s bad enough that you have to deal with it in person, but thanks to social media, annoying couples are inescapable, because they just have to take to the Internet. Gone are the days when I can drink a skinny caramel latte, while Facebook chatting my big and my little, and stalking my own profile in peace. Annoying social media couples are all over the place, letting the world know just how in love they are. It’s sick. Even sicker, unfortunately, is a new trend that’s popping up all over the place: joint social media accounts.
In what world are you sharing an online identity before you’re sharing a last name, or more importantly, a bank account? This world, apparently. Despite social media outlets discouraging joint profiles, couples are engaging in it more and more frequently, according to a Mashable study. Joint Instagram accounts, Twitter, accounts, and even Facebook profiles! As if the “pet” profiles weren’t pathetic enough, this really takes the cake. These unified couples are here to stay, and they’re ready with their defense statements:
“Together Josh and I complement each other,” says Caroline. “He’s logical and I’m completely illogical. He takes photos of things I would never think of taking photos of. We see the world differently, and together our tweets, updates, etc. on social media make us more interesting.”
If you mean “interesting,” in the same way nuclear war, or the Indonesian baby who chain smokes is interesting, then yes, you are interesting.
“We’ve been inseparable since 1991 and we know each other inside out. Other couples might want to keep their singular voice, but our identity has always been about being together.”
That’s not a good thing! It’s beautiful to be able to know someone so intimately, but to feel that you literally don’t have an identity without this other person is bad. Very bad.
“We have the same interests, and often would individually be inclined to share or consume the same stuff anyways,” Dalene tells Mashable. “This way we can do it all from one place rather than duplicating efforts.”
Please, Dalene. I was in a sorority. There are exactly 27 of the same “PC ‘08 Senior Formal” pictures of me tagged on Facebook right now. Redundant? Sure. Does it mean I should give up my own account, just because other girls were taking the same pictures? No. No, it doesn’t.
Relationship expert, Suzanna Flores emphasizes the importance of some level of autonomy in relationships (can I get a “fucking duh?”), but explains that joint social media accounts don’t affect it much. You know who it does affect, however? Everyone else. We all hate you. Why? Why are you doing this? Flores explains:
“Psychologically, when couples share social media accounts, it more likely than not is a sign of codependency or insecurity,” she says. “Someone has trust issues, someone feels the need to monitor. I would say nine times out of ten, ballpark, that’s what’s really going on when we do see a joint account, because it’s unusual. It’s almost like the couple is … too enmeshed.”
SEE! I fucking knew it! You’re weird…from a psychological, and not at all bitterly single standpoint.
“If two people have only one thought between them, something is very wrong.” –Carrie Bradshaw.
[via Mashable]
Image via pictures.4ever.eu
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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