Yes, All I Want Is Attention, And It’s All You Want Too, So Stop Denying It


“All she wants is attention.”

Whether you’ve said this phrase to one of your friends, or you’ve heard someone say it about you behind your back, there’s a huge elephant in the room that we all need to take time to address and analyze and possibly even kill: this phrase is true. All we want is attention.

Your initial reaction to this revelation might be a little prideful, but when push comes to shove and you actually think about it, doesn’t everyone want attention? When did attention become a bad thing? Tinkerbell needs attention in order to survive, so forgive me when I get mad that I don’t get 200 likes on my Instagram picture.

I recently discovered that I might be living in denial when it comes to how I feel about other people thinking all I want is attention. In fact, my initial thought for this column was going to be “How To Trick People Into Thinking You’re Not An Attention Whore When You Totally Are,” until I realized I’m doing the opposite of what I want to encourage women to do here, soak up all the attention you can get your fingers on. I was out to lunch with a friend of mine when he said to me, “Yeah, he thinks everything you do is for attention.” I was offended immediately, almost to the point of tears actually, but then I remembered, who the fuck cares? Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE wants attention, and if they say they don’t, they’re in denial themselves.

So I changed the idea of this article to encourage you to be the most attention hungry person in the room, but why might be a little different than what you imagine. Most people want attention for self gratification, a little ego boost, or you’re just fucking bored and lonely and posting an Instagram selfie that everyone likes makes you feel ~alive.~ But I came to the root of the idea and realized I want to be the center of attention because I want to have fucking fun.

I dance by myself in the middle of a party, I make sure I’m the best flip cup team member around, I post Instagram pictures that exude the fun of my existence, I wear what makes me feel good and what makes people tell me I look good in. I want attention because I want to be accepted for who I am, and so do you. You’ll have the jealous bitches, who are just mad that the attention is on you and not them, but that’s all they are, jealous. They’re not fun. They’re not the life of the party. They’re not the one who’s going to get laid. You are. And if you were standing in the corner, not doing anything that draws attention, you wouldn’t have any of those fun things happening either.

I understand that some people may be shy, and there are different ways that you can go about getting attention. For example, be the shy girl who everyone loses their shit over when she takes more than one shot. Mind your business and then whip everyone’s ass at beer pong. Post a semi-sexy picture on Instagram and no one will believe it’s you, but you are still being you.

Moral of the story is that everyone wants attention, and we all need to stop pretending that’s not true. Be an attention whore and own it. In the meantime, I’ll be taking 100+ selfies until I get the one that’s just right.

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