Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and if you’re a halfway decent girlfriend, you’re experiencing a hefty load of anxiety when it comes to picking the perfect present for your boyfriend. If you want to play it safe, you’ll go with an obvious option: clothes, shoes, or a video game that corresponds with whatever gaming system he uses to delay sex and irritate you on a regular basis. If you want to drive your relationship into the ground, however, we recommend buying your boyfriend a chocolate version of your butthole, which is apparently a thing now.
I can’t make this stuff up. A company called Edible Anus will send you chocolates shaped like buttholes for you to give to your boyfriend and inevitably scare the absolute shit out of him (pun intended). For just $39.95, you can bless your man with the gift that keeps on giving: pure Belgian chocolate in the shape of a shitter. The company also specializes in poo cards, rectal T-shirts, and anal sculptures made out of glass or bronze. Whatever suits your fancy.
Rectal candies aside, I’d like to meet the weirdo who made his living duplicating anuses for a hefty profit. It seems to me that his life mission is to not so subtly encourage couples everywhere to eat more ass, which doesn’t help my campaign to put an end to butt stuff. Regardless, I can honestly say that I never thought I’d live to see the day when a website encouraged me to buy some anus candy for my man candy. What a time to be alive..
[via Cosmopolitan]
Image via Cosmopolitan
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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