You Don’t Get To Have A Say In Your Friends’ Relationships

Friends Relationships

If you’re a devoted Real Housewives fan like myself (some would prefer to call me a “fanatic” or a “loser” who needs to “find a hobby,” but I digress), then you know that this current (8th) season of New York City has been nothing short of insane. And as of this article’s publication, it’s only aired a few weeks worth of episodes – so that’s really saying something. The main crux of what we’ve seen so far of this season seems to be focused on the drama between Housewife Dorinda (yes, a real name) and her boyfriend, John. Or, more specifically, the drama between Dorinda and the other Housewives about her boyfriend John, who they don’t care much for. And quite frankly neither do I. Nor does most of the internet. He’s not exactly a … catch. Let’s just put it that way. Despite her willing participation in Andy Cohen’s Misadventures In Conspicuous Consumption and Undiagnosed Personality Disorders, Dorinda seems far, far too good for him and the other ladies just cannot understand why she is with him.

And so, because this is television, some of the other ladies decide to stop talking shit behind Dorinda’s back and instead tell her, straight-up, that they hate her boyfriend. They don’t understand why she’s with him. She could do so much better. That’s he’s not right for her. They Intervention Dorinda. And even though this is television and obviously exists in a heightened reality (said intervention occurred in a penthouse suit during a “Bra Fitting Party,” also a real thing, apparently), a lot of it rang true to life. Specifically, this idea that we, as “girlfriends” have the option – nay, the RIGHT – to interfere in our friends’ relationships and actually think that our opinions matter. But newsflash: you and your opinions have no place in your friends relationships.

Of course, if you are concerned that your friend is in an abusive relationship, then yes, intervene. If you know her boyfriend is cheating on her, then yes, intervene. If you suspect that her boyfriend is trying to frame her for some crime and then drain her bank account so he can provide for his secret wife/partner-in-crime a la many Lifetime movies, then yes, intervene. If you are not concerned about any of these things and just don’t like your friend’s boyfriend: shut your mouth.

It’s nice that you love your friend and want what’s best for her, but the fact of the matter is, you have no idea what’s best for her. You can’t ever fully know another person. And you certainly can’t ever fully know another person’s relationship because it only exists for the two people involved in it. You might think her boyfriend is a total dunderhead, but she sees him as the human equivalent of a golden retriever. Or maybe you think he’s kind of a dick, but all she sees is his sarcastic sense of humor. You think long-distance is stupid, but she finds it romantic. You could never date a GDI, but she finds it refreshing.

The only thing you’ll get out of butting into where you don’t belong is a whole lot of regret. Your friend won’t see that you genuinely feel you know what’s best for her. All she’ll see is that you’re rude and lacking in empathy. That you don’t care about her so much as a person as you do an extension of yourself. And she’ll be right. So do yourself a favor and zip it. Zip it real good.

That being said, Bethenny is still one of my top five favorite housewives. And Dorinda’s boyfriend needs to go.

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I came for the wine, but I stayed for the complimentary appetizer sampler plate.

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