Hanging out with a significant ex is never a good idea. Ever. Let me begin by clarifying, that not all exes are significant exes. There are girls who HAVE to be in relationships at all times. Olivia has had three boyfriends in the year I’ve known her, and while she said the L-word to each and every one, I have a hard time believing that you can actually, truly fall in love with that many people in a span of twelve months. You can fall in lust. You can fall in like. You can fall in best friendship. And you can fall into “I’m afraid to be alone, so you’ll do.” But love? I don’t buy it. So girls like that — like Olivia — have probably racked up some exes who didn’t leave a significant emotional impact on either party. That’s fine. Hang out with that guy all you want. What I mean is that you can’t be friends with someone you were in a serious relationship with.
The most obvious, but all too important reason: sex. Sex is natural. It’s not something to be ashamed of. And when you are in a deeply loving relationship, sex is great. And even when you’re not in that kind of relationship, sex is still great. But sex with someone you used to be in a deeply loving relationship with? Not great. Sexual attraction is a chemical reaction in your brain and it doesn’t go away just because you haven’t seen someone in awhile. It doesn’t go away just because you are with someone new. Unless your ex gets fat and ugly, it probably doesn’t go away. This impulse attraction is likely going to cause problems. It’s so easy to sleep with someone you’ve already slept with. And once you’re sleeping together, it’s hard to ignore the feelings that used to be there too. If you know you don’t want to be together, this is going to cause issues. Which brings us to our next point.
Nostalgia. When you look back on most things, unless they were fucked beyond recognition, you tend to remember the happy times, not the sad times, which is why it can be extremely difficult to get over someone when you break up. Add some time and space to that, and all the reasons you broke up, while still very real, are all but forgotten. Now, you can remember the good times, but not the bad, and you start hanging out again, in search of that comfort? That “let’s just be friends” is going to quickly turn into “maybe things will be different this time.” Spoiler: they won’t be different this time. You’re setting yourself up for the same breakup all over again.
And of course, we have new relationships to consider. Some of you might think that one or both parties having entered a new relationship makes it okay to try to mend a friendship, but this one thousand percent will only make things worse. If only one of you is in a new relationship, that means things are unbalanced, and more than likely, the single party has a hidden agenda. They may claim to be “happy” for you, but eventually, they will compare your new relationship to the old one you were in together. They’ll be there for you when your new partner is not. One supportive text can turn into a normal conversation. A normal conversation can turn into a serious conversation. And before you know it, your ex is telling you how much they miss you and what a mistake they made in letting things end how they did. This. is. dangerous. Not to mention, disrespectful to your new partner.
It may be possible to be friends with an ex, but an old flame can easily lead to a new fire, and if that’s not what you’re looking to do, it’s best just to put the damn thing out. Plus…you already talked shit about them to your mom. And we all know there’s no coming back from that..
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