First you could find a dude on your phone using Tinder. Then you could order a car to have that rando picked up and dropped off right to your door using Uber. And now you can use your phone to find out the consequences of that weird, lonely, drunken night using First Response’s new app.
No, you don’t have to take a steaming piss on your brand new iPhone that you just got for Christmas. According to Cosmopolitan, the stick connects to your phone with Bluetooth. The app will then process your results, and in the three agonizing minutes that you have to wait, a timer and three options pop up: Calm Me, Entertain Me, and Educate Me. You can choose to learn about your pregnancy, or you can watch puppy videos to take your mind off of the fact that you may be co-parenting with Dick Delivery guy and your life is over.
If that’s not insane enough, once you get your results, there is an option to SHARE IT. Is nothing sacred anymore?! Are we all really at the point in society where we can’t just sit in the bathroom in our own anxious sweat waiting for lines to pop up like our mothers and our mothers’ mothers? Do we need to numb our pain with puppy videos instead of with a bottle of whiskey (Surgeon General’s note: Do not drink if you plan on being/staying pregnant) like normal people? Do we have to immediately shove our fetus in the faces of our Facebook friends? Have some self-respect. Although, with technology rapidly taking over the world, I guess I would use something like this. Just call/text/Facetime me when there’s an app for Plan B..