Ah, Thanksgiving break. A time for friends, family, and hiding in your bedroom like a third grader until your parents’ painfully boring friends evacuate your house and you can safely devour all the leftover appetizers. Going home for break is fun, provided you have adequate entertainment to distract yourself from the fact that you are once again living under your parents’ roof and there’s no where to run when everyone is asking an excessive amount of questions about your nonexistent love life. Here’s a list of fun shit to do when you grow tired of having the same conversation with all the extended family members you would forget existed if it weren’t for Facebook.
- Sleep until noon every day. Convince your parents that you need the rest because you’re usually up at the crack of dawn to study.
- Relive high school by having sex in the backseat of a car.
- Or on your basement couch.
- Or in your parents’ bed, if you were a freak at the age of sixteen.
- Evade your relatives’ obnoxious questions by insisting that you are offended by their wording.
- Clean your parent’s refrigerator.
- By “clean,” I mean “eat.”
- Lock your door and blast Simple Plan in your room, just to relive the glory days.
- Go through your closet and cry over the fact that you can’t fit into your prom dress.
- Unless you still can, in which case, you better wear that shit out.
- Tell your parents you got an ass tattoo of your boyfriend’s name five minutes before company is due to arrive for dinner.
- Eat so much turkey that you have to excuse yourself from the dinner table to exchange your skinny jeans for some leggings.
- Continue eating so that you’re in a full out sweatsuit by the time desert rolls out.
- Convince at least one family member that you’re engaged.
- See how much liquor you can sneak into your sodas before someone notices you’re shitfaced.
- Keep drinking after they call you out, because fuck it, that’s why.
- Snuggle the shit out of your family pet and assure him that you’re “never leaving,” even though you plan to peace as soon as the festivities are over.
- Rediscover all the favorite childhood movies that your parents never got rid of.
- Use the opportunity as an excuse to invite your old FWB over to “VHS and chill.”
- Throw a high school themed party. Have it in an unfinished basement and only serve cherry Burnett’s.
- Threaten a hunger strike unless your mom agrees to make your favorite kind of potato.
- Remind every cousin over the age of 20 that they should probably start looking for a significant other because they’re “not getting any younger.”
- Visit your high school, just to remind yourself that life could be so much worse.
- Bring home all of your dirty laundry and insist that it’s not because you’re incapable of taking care of yourself, but because your machine at school is broken.
- Go to the bars you used to sneak into underage, just to flash your 21-year-old ID and feel like a total boss.
- Leave fifteen minutes later and wonder why the hell you were ever desperate to get into that shithole.
- Wear a push-up bra the entire break to provoke boob job rumors from your high school peers.
- Hit up your hometown ex, just to make sure you’re still doing more with your life than he is.
- Which shouldn’t be hard, because he lives above his parent’s garage and works at Party City.
- Have a friendsgiving with all your old friends. Get really drunk and cuss them all out for not keeping in better touch..
Nice Move434
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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