37 Reasons Summer Needs To Be Over


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Nice Move


  1. Your face is now too tan for your makeup, so you either need to spend a fortune to buy new powder or look like a ghost.
  2. Being home and having to see the girls you hated in high school.
  3. Not being home and not getting to reconnect with the girls you loved in high school.
  4. Going outside in this heat will make you burn faster than Taylor Swift’s career.
  5. But staying inside all day makes you feel lazy.
  6. You hang out with the people you haven’t seen in foreeeeever because you’re the only ones left in town. Then you remember why you choose to hang out with other people during the school year.
  7. Do you remember your old high school boyfriend? Your first ~true love~? The one who cheated on you with Jessica after prom? Yeah, you accidentally slept with him.
  8. Or you saw him at the bar. With Jessica. And you cried.
  9. You’re broke because your internship paid you with ~experience~ not actual cash. But, like, you can get people’s coffee orders really well now.
  10. You went your favorite childhood ice cream place on #NationalIceCreamDay to feel nostalgic, but instead, you just felt old.
  11. Your little is obsessing over how excited she is to get a little, and you’re already jealous.
  12. All of those adorable giant swan floats sold out so you had to buy the not nearly as cute flamingo version.
  13. “Haha yeah, grandma, I’m still single.”
  14. You got addicted to Pokemon Go and used up your entire month’s worth of data, free time, and self-respect in one week.
  15. You refused to download Pokemon Go because it was so lame, but now you have crushing FOMO.
  16. You worked really hard for a summer body, but somehow it couldn’t withstand against your schedule of three hours of sleep a night, eight margaritas a day, and large pizzas to soak up the alcohol.
  17. You didn’t work for your summer body at all and it’s glaringly obvious.
  18. Your naturally sun-bleached hair is not the same color as your bottle bleached hair and you’re thinking of giving up on beauty as a whole.
  19. You tried yoga. It was awful.
  20. You tried Pure Barre. It was worse.
  21. You skipped the base tan and went straight to lobster red.
  22. You tried beach sex to be passionate and now you’re worried that you actually permanently scratched your vagina.
  23. You watched 1,000 tutorials on how to properly contour, mastered it, then sweated it off almost immediately.
  24. Trying to coordinate with your future roommates has made you already consider breaking the lease. Twice.
  25. So. Many. Summer. Weddings.
  26. More than one of said weddings wasn’t open bar.
  27. You told your boyfriend he could use you as a boob luge and he said your boobs were too small.
  28. Jessica has boobs big enough to do a boob luge.
  29. Waxing when you’re sunburnt is the same as getting bitch slapped by Satan.
  30. You think you heard your parents hooking up.
  31. You think you heard your teenage little brother hooking up.
  32. Your favorite Bachelorette contestant was sent home and now you know for a fact that true love isn’t real.
  33. No matter what outfit you wear, and no matter how much effort you put into it, you still sweat enough to make other people visibly uncomfortable.
  34. Low-key you’re still not over your 4th of July hangover.
  35. Periods still exist even when you had a pool party planned for weeks.
  36. Your favorite artist is on her summer tour but none of the venues are close enough for you to attend.
  37. You miss your sisters so, so much.

Whenever you’re ready, Fall.

Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at blue.eyed.blondie.tsm@gmail.com

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