I undoubtedly have a type. Tall, dark eyes, manly, athletic… and most importantly the guy that every other girl clearly wants. After years of being with that guy, begging for his attention, and more often than not losing his attention to a considerably hotter girl, I decided I needed a change. I needed to give up on the passionate bad boy who I lusted after. Instead, I needed to be with a boy who was cute but safe. A boy who I could trust to be in my bed every night. A boy whose penis wouldn’t wander. I needed to date down.
Insert my freshmen year boyfriend. When I first set foot on my beloved campus I was lost and scared. But then I met a cute boy. He was undeniably attractive, nice, smart, and nothing like anyone I had ever dated. He was below six foot, he didn’t play sports (or even work out), he wanted to be a high school teacher, and he didn’t “get” Greek life.
The first time we had sex, I could tell he hadn’t had too much experience with the ladies. While every guy in the past had been my one and only, I had always been their one of many. Needless to say, I was intrigued when I learned that I was only the second girl he had ever slept with. Something about his innocence made me feel secure, and the fact that his ex was nothing like me made me feel special.
But here’s the thing: once the honeymoon fades, I was left with the sad realization that I had a boy who I ultimately didn’t want. We had decided to keep things casual because I was selfish and knew I would hate to be exclusive with him. And while I made it clear that I loved him as my emotional boyfriend, I was far from wanting him to be my man physically. He would bring me a PSL while I was on my period, he would cuddle me and play with my hair, but at the end of the day, the spark wasn’t there.
Instead, I was obsessed with the boy down my dorm hall. Who was tall, dark eyes, manly, and athletic… who I knew would break my heart. He was the girl every girl wanted, and I sat among them, begging for his attention. This boy would make my heart race. He would make me cry uncontrollably, but I would actually feel small and safe when he held me. It felt like every time I escaped with him to his room, I somehow got more attracted to him. Something that I had never felt with my safe boy.
Slowly, I pulled away from my safe boy. I became embarrassed by him. I was embarrassed that he took longer to get ready than I did. I hated that he didn’t know how to throw a football and winced when he openly admitted that to my athlete brothers. I told myself I was being shallow, and I was. But I couldn’t help it. I hated the way he dressed, I hated that I could outdrink him, I hated that he watched “Twilight” alone and liked it.
He wasn’t my type, and I was a total bitch for “putting up” with him when I knew I was never going to have real feelings for him. And truth be told, I wasn’t his type either. I liked to party, I preferred to spend more time with my girl friends than with him, and I hated the things he loved. I stopped being the hottest girl he’s ever been with, and just became a girl he didn’t want to be with. But lo and behold, as soon as he lost interest, I became obsessed. So, after I agreed to commit (and swore off the boy down the hall), we started to officially date.
Things got so, so much worse after that point. Without the ability to fulfill my sexual needs with boy(s) I was attracted to, all I could focus on was how much I was missing. He was, admittedly, an incredible boyfriend. And the more I tried to force myself to love him, the further away I pushed him. I wanted desperately for us to work, even though it so clearly was never going to happen.
A few months later I broke up with him for the summer. That night I texted the boy down the hall, we spent the night together, and I felt happy and fulfilled for the first time in since I bore the burden of monogamy.
After all of this I learned I can’t change who I am. I am shallow, so maybe that just means I’m not ready for a real relationship. But at the end of the day, the boy who might be “good” for me on paper isn’t who I want to be with.
It might seem “safe” to date down below your league. It might seem like a great idea to change your dating style because your style isn’t working. You can’t force yourself to be attracted to someone who isn’t your type. So go fuck the bad boy if that’s your thing. Because lord knows its better to go through heartache and lock it down with a bad boy you love, than to play it safe and never truly love in your life..