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Rejoice! You Can Buy Your Boyfriend A Virtual Blow Job And Never Suck Dick Again!

Rejoice! You Can Buy Your Boyfriend A Virtual Blow Job And Never Suck Dick Again!

Your boyfriend is aware, or at least he should be by now, that Valentine’s Day is a holiday that he is expected, or rather, forced to, go all out for. When the big day arrives, and he showers you with the flowers you specifically pointed out to him, and the jewelry that you might as well have sent him the link to; you have to give something in return, to avoid looking the spoiled princess that you truly are. The problem is, is that boys are hard to buy for. What am I supposed to get you? Beer? More violent, boring shows on Netflix? A (non-slutty) maid to clean up his disgusting apartment? A better girlfriend, that actually pays attentions to his wants and interests?

Instead of racking your brain to find a gift that shows you care, is vaguely romantic and still maintains his masculinity (because something tells me he’s not going to appreciate those sparkly, pink cupcakes, even though they taste f*cking delicious), most girls simply do something sexual, put a bow on it, and call it a day. While the sex on February 14th isn’t any different on any other day; besides the fact that you feel five pounds heavier from your steak dinner and you put on a red bra, it still is widely considered a gift.

But what about those who aren’t down to get dirty with their S/O this V-day? Maybe you’re still rocking your purity ring, or are 5000 miles away from your boyfriend (and really can’t be bothered to have another boring Skype sex session), or maybe his d*ck and jackhammering ways simply repulse you. Adult website CamSoda is here to help; and ensure that your special someone gets his pleasure, without you getting your hands dirty.

Appropriately named “B(J) My Valentine,” this unique service allows users to create their own custom, virtual blow job… just in time to add a sprinkle of romance into your lives this Valentine’s Day.

First, users can choose from a variety of techniques, that they want their special someone to experience. Options vary from “Just the Tip” to “Deep Throat.” Once you have designed your dream BJ (that I’m sure you could also totally do just as well, since you’re just as skilled as a porn star), slap on a title name that will hopefully distract from the fact that you’re not actually using your mouth to deliver the goods.

There’s one catch: your man needs to have the Kiiroo Onyx masturbation sleeve in order to receive this special treat. This $250 power machine will deliver a real-feeling, intense awesome blow job that will leave the receiver satisfied without you having to deal with any of the clean up, mess, and effort.

Maybe this is more of a Valentine’s Day present for yourself, instead of for him.

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crazygirlfriend

Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at crazygirlfriend.tsm@gmail.com

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