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Tinder Wants You To Have An Orgy With Your Friends

Tinder

Do you remember when you fell into the deep, desperate hole of hookup apps? It all started with Tinder, which you downloaded as a joke, just to see what all of the fuss was about. But, then you fell down the rabbit hole. The charm, or in reality, the attention was addicting. You promised yourself you weren’t really finding guys over an app, but you couldn’t help but smirk when you got 30 matches in your first hour. Then, whoops, you woke up one morning in a stranger’s bed.

Yeah, that was a dark time. But Tinder is over, right? Wrong. Tinder is back, and creepier than ever. Because instead of setting you up to have anonymous sex with strangers, it’s setting you up with people you know IRL. Or at least probably, because they’re all your friends on Facebook. And what could be worse than being set up with that guy you sat next to in AP Lit six years ago? Setting you up with him and a shit ton of other people. That’s right, Tinder is hosting an orgy! And you, and potentially your Aunt who sent you ten fucking friend requests before you reluctantly accepted, are invited.

This morally can’t be true! Well it is, the CEO of Tinder, Sean Rad, told Buzzfeed, “There is no context. If you and all your other friends are single, then maybe you’re kind of looking to meet other single people. But you can use Tinder Social on its own even if you’re not single.” Obviously this in response to raised concerns that he clearly doesn’t have any sense of right or wrong anymore. But honestly, what more can you expect from a man named Rad?

Tinder Social has been in Beta since April, which I can only assume has got to be a new record for an entire office of people uncomfortably whispering “are we really going to let this happen?” But if you’re one of the ~adventurous~ people who is interested in checking this out, let me break it down for you.

Step One: is to make a group. The group consists of Facebook friends who also use Tinder. The best way to weed out the ones who don’t is to send a mass message asking “how desperate are you to get laid? 1-10.” All responses with a 8 or higher are your people.

Step Two: is to create an activity. These can range like any other activity, but I HIGHLY suggest an irresponsible amount of alcohol in a very private place. Sure a bar might sound like a good start, but say you do choose that route. At said bar you get approached by a hot guy and when he asks if you’re there with anyone, you have to shamefully lift your finger and point at NINE fucking people, whispering “all of them.”

Step Three: is start swiping like normal Tinder. Here you’ll probably start out being picky, but then remember you’re swiping on Tinder Social. Your standards will slip accordingly.

Step Four: is to match. Now for the uggos and monogamous weirdos of the world, you might not get too many matches. That’s fine. Just start adding a whole bunch of strangers on Facebook and start the process over again. People will think you just gained mad popularity when in reality you’re just looking for your knights in shining armor.

Step Five: is to try to coordinate a hookup, delete the app, and reflect on your life decisions.

If you failed that last step, then you’re sailing right on over to Step Six: meet up. Hey, maybe Mr. Rad is right, and you’ll meet a whole bunch of new friends. But most likely you’ll just see a bunch of genitals and cry. Oh well, happy swiping.

[via Buzzfeed]

Image via Happy Zoe / Shutterstock.com

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Blue-eyed-blondie

Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at blue.eyed.blondie.tsm@gmail.com

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