Unsurprisingly, Taylor Swift’s “whirlwind romance” (read: rebound relationship) with Tom Hiddleston has come to an end just short three months after it began. None of us saw this coming, especially since she had just gotten out of a year long relationship, broke up with reality by taking a “The Bachelor” style vacation, met her new boo’s parents way too quickly, (maybe) got a boob job, and completely stayed away from social media. I’m blown away. Tay, I’m sorry for your loss, but at the same time, I hope you now have some new musical inspiration so that you can drop some new tracks sooner rather than later.
Tay, in case you’re struggling with a little bit of writer’s block, I’m here to help. For your benefit, I came up with a list of titles for all of the new break-up songs I expect on your new album. As always, they’re totally vague and subtle, and there’s no way anyone can actually tell who they’re going to be about. To be fair, you came up with most of these titles, but since you ARE the queen of breakup songs, it only seemed fair that you draw upon yourself for inspiration. Here’s some inspiration to help you come out with your new album a little bit sooner.
- Dear Tom
- We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together (Unless You Want To Because I’m Still Single And I Miss You)
- Back To July
- Forever & For Three Months
- (I’m Going To Be) Mean (To You On The Internet Now)
- Teardrops On My New Boob Job
- I Knew You Were Loki When You Walked In
- Welcome To My Super-Expensive Rhode Island Beach Home
- You Obviously Don’t Belong With Me
- Featuring the cover bonus track: Not A Bond Girl, Not Yet A Woman
Hope this helped! Now get put the ice cream down, rebound from your rebound, and get to writing because I need some new music to cry to as soon as possible..