You’re probably aware that it’s wedding season. Unless you have an exceptionally shitty WiFi connection, it’s all but impossible to tell. If you are the proud owner of a Facebook or Instagram account, then it’s abundantly clear to you by now.

I love weddings, but I hate them. I love everything they’re supposed to stand for, but I hate what they’ve become. I hate the reasons people have them, and I hate how disposable some people treat them. I hate them, especially, because I’m not 45. I’m at an age where people get divorced just as quickly as they get married. I’m at an age when people get married to the first person who gives them a lingering glance, when people get married because their parents got married at their age, and when people get married out of convenience, rather than dedication.

Bottom line? We’re getting married too young. Biologically, mentally — take it as you will, but somewhere along the lines, we’re not grown up enough yet. We’re barely able to take care of ourselves, much less another human being. So take a chill pill, kiddos. We live really long lives nowadays — no need to rush.

1. If you dream of Harry Winston, but would settle for mall kiosk, you’re probably too young to get married.
2. If it suffices you to walk down the aisle in a dress hand selected from Forever 21, you’re probably too young to get married.
3. If you’re having a shotgun wedding with no baby on the way, you’re probably too young to get married.
4. If you’re serving mocktails at your bachelorette party because you’re not legally allowed to drink, you’re probably too young to get married.
5. If your wedding has a theme other than “matrimony,” you’re probably too young to get married. You could try a prom, though.
6. If the person you’re trusting to plan your wedding just switched over to an Event Planning and Hospitality Management major last semester, you’re probably too young to get married.
7. If you and your significant other have never faced adversity in your relationship, you’re probably too young to get married. Deduct ten points if you just had to Google the word “adversity.”
8. If your preferred method of footwear to your own wedding is Converse, you’re probably too young to get married. Blink twice if someone is actually holding a gun up to your head.
9. If the thought of taking care of a pet or any other living, breathing thing gives you anxiety, you’re probably too young to get married.
10. If you consider your engagement ring to be your “starter ring,” you’re probably too young to get married.
11. If you want to feel like a “princess” rather than a bride, you’re probably too young to get married.
12. If your “country chic” wedding resembles a backyard barbecue, you’re probably too young to get married.
13. If your wedding dress resembles your prom dress (bonus points if it actually is a prom dress), you’re probably too young to get married.

I think you’ve got the picture by now, right?.

Image via Josh Lawhorn | New Day Photography

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lnsayers

My state gave you J. Law, Clooney, two-fifths of the Backstreet Boys, and multiple fifths of bourbon. The SEC is better, Beyoncé is my Jesus, and one time I wrote a cover letter using Brian McKnight lyrics. Psuedo-adult by day; PGP, TFM, and TSM contributor by night. Please don't ask me to do math.

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