37 Must-Follow Rules Of Instagram

girls on a dock taking a selfie

  1. No decorative frames, stickers, or words.
  2. Really. Please no blocky “BFFs,” hearts, or bows, ANYWHERE on the photo. This isn’t middle school.
  3. No two identical selfies should be posted in a row.
  4. And no. A new eyeshadow does not make one selfie unique from the other.
  5. Nor should selfies be in front of the same background, with the same head tilt and the same t-rex arm (it’s not a brand, it’s just boring).
  6. If you want to change up your selfies, and probably get more likes, pose with your pet.
  7. PDA in pictures should be the same as IRL. A photo kissing him on the cheek is cute, a photo of you with your tongue down his throat is not.
  8. Before you post a photo, ask yourself if you would be okay with your mom seeing it.
  9. And by “your mom” I mean your standards chair.
  10. Just be wary of hashtags in general.
  11. Unless you are using your friend’s wedding hashtag or one for your sorority just stay far far away from them.
  12. And under no circumstance can you hashtag #hot #beautiful #cute or #pretty next to photos of yourself.
  13. If you think that you’re one #hot hashtag away from being discovered and asked to model, you should probably speak to a career advisor.
  14. Stop tagging the brands in your photos. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? You have like 500 followers.
  15. Even if you tag @KylieCosmetics in 100 photos unless you are Jordyn Woods or have 1M Instagram followers, she’s not going to reblog you.
  16. If I ever find out that you regularly comment on celebrities’ Instagram photos, I will stop being your friend.
  17. Not just on social media, but in real life.
  18. When you do post photos of yourself in a bikini, at least try to give the illusion that the photo shoot happened naturally.
  19. When it looks like you made your younger sibling take photos of you in your new swimsuit until her little fingers started bleeding, it takes away from the allure.
  20. However, I would highly advise investing in an Instagram husband.
  21. If boyfriends are good for one thing only, it’s that they take better photos of you than strangers, and don’t look at you like you’re a crazy person when you scream about your angles.
  22. But you don’t have to comment how much you love him on every single photo he posts.
  23. We get it. You’re in love. But when you break up in six months, deleting all your comments on his posts will be awkward AF.
  24. It is your duty, however, to like and comment on every one of your best friend’s photos.
  25. I don’t care if you don’t have anything to say. I don’t care if it’s a shitty picture. I don’t care if you don’t have a phone. Make it happen.
  26. And make your comments unique. Three fire emojis really don’t capture your wit.
  27. Your dimly lit photos of your food from whatever restaurant you were eating at also need to stop.
  28. If you’re posting photos of food, I need it to be so enticing that I gain five pounds just by looking at it.
  29. Except not really. Fuck you if you post a picture that causes me to gain five pounds.
  30. Under no circumstances should you post a picture of just your Starbucks cup.
  31. We’ve all seen the cup and the logo. This picture only makes me wonder why you feel such a need to show everyone you have $4 to spend on a up of coffee.
  32. Inspirational quotes on personal accounts need to burn in a fiery pit of hell.
  33. The quote about living simply and purely becomes ineffective when your last photo was a picture of your new Kate Spade bags.
  34. If you post more than once a day, I hate you.
  35. If you post more than one photo from the same night/selfie taking session without spacing them out, I hate you as well.
  36. Unless it was your wedding day, no outfit is so important that it needs extensive Instagram coverage.
  37. Never delete old photos. Your high school Marilyn Monroe quotes and duck faces humble you.

Image via Shutterstock

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Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at [email protected] Watch the bitch behind these stories at:

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