21 Ways To Make The Most Out Of The Last Few Weeks Of Summer

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Whoops! You got REAL drunk and now summer is almost over. Before you throw up your hands and toss back more shots, take a moment to plan out how you’re really going to get the most out of your remaining summer daze. Sure, you’re sweating more than usual, and yeah, that whole “carb-free bikini body” diet didn’t exactly go as planned, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have enough vacation days left to kick back, drink up, and tell every annoying Tinder dude to fuck off. Here’s how you can make the most out of the last few weeks of summer.

  1. Throw a ladies only, Britney-themed barbecue. Put some hummus in a bowl, buy too many cases of wine, and turn your kitchen into a dance floor. It doesn’t matter if you wear a snake or a trucker hat–it’s a Britney barbecue, bitch.
  2. Find a way to get on a boat. Once aboard, see if you can possibly steal it. If not, at least take a ton of selfies to post all over Twitter so everyone can get super jealous.
  4. Wear a crop top. You’re tan from lazing around outside all summer and probably thin because hangovers + humidity = living exclusively on iced coffee. It’s like the great philosophers said, “If not now, when?”
  5. Find the Instagram filter that makes you look the most tan. Hey, it’s not your fault that you spent the better part of the summer in a hangover coma wrapped around a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit in your air-conditioned bedroom. Isn’t that what filters are for anyway? (PS: everyone looks bronzed in Mayfair. You’re welcome.)
  6. Deposit that check for $20 that Grandma sent you for your birthday three months ago. Immediately spend it on wine.
  7. Change your Facebook profile picture. Gurl, you are TAF. (Tan. As. Fuck.)
  8. Sign up for SoulCycle classes. Oh, come on, just do it. You can have all the nachos afterward–we promise!
  9. Hook up with your ex. Whatever. It’s summer! No rules.
  10. Buy a ton of summer produce, like berries. This has a two-pronged benefit–berries save you from having to wear lipstick, and they’re a great addition to your signature sangria recipe that’s so tasty and potent, it led to the group of dudes on your lawn drunkenly belting the lyrics to “Fancy” at 5 p.m.
  11. Go skinny dipping. Emphasis on skinny–you look great.
  12. Make out with that bartender who may or may not speak English. Sure, he might keep calling you “Suzie” when your name is “Amanda,” but that’s really not his fault. You look exactly like Suzie. And he’s drunk.
  13. Spend a day doing absolutely nothing. Seriously. Nothing.
  14. Go see your gynecologist. She’s seen your Facebook status updates and she’s worried about you.
  15. Make lemonade. Put vodka in it. Repeat.
  16. Read a book. Kidding! Read your horoscope in the back of a magazine. Then rationalize away all of the points in your week where your horoscope was EXACTLY RIGHT. It said you were going to meet a tall stranger, and sure enough, the bartender who served you that drink just now was at least 5 foot 7. Astrology!
  17. Dye your hair ombre. You won’t have time to get your roots redone when September rolls around.
  18. Have a water balloon fight because #YOLO.
  19. Wear sandals–and only sandals–for the rest of summer. It’s a great excuse to get another pedicure. Maybe “I Cantaloupe Even” or “All Guys On Me?
  20. Take an outdoor shower. Bonus points if you don’t do it solo. There’s something extra refreshing about getting clean while being dirty.
  21. Drink like no one’s judging.

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Alyssa and Alison

Alyssa Wolff and Alison Leiby are stand-up comics and writers. Follow them at AlyssaWolff and AlisonLeiby.

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