27 Things I Know More About Than The Election


The election is almost here. Finally. I am SO sick of listening to people drone on about it. Hey, if you ever want to watch me fall asleep standing up, start talking to me about politics. Not only am I uninterested, I am completely uneducated, which makes it even harder to follow. At this point, though, I feel like there is so much that has happened that I can’t even attempt to catch up. Like Grey’s Anatomy. Call me ignorant, call me dumb, call me whatever you want, but just because I don’t know anything about the election doesn’t mean I don’t know anything. I know shit about shit, thank you very much.

  1. Wine
    Anything Sunset Blush and lighter pairs well with a good fuckin’ night.
  2. Boys
    They like three things: beer, boobs, and butts.
  3. Animals
    They are cute.
  4. Anatomy
    There are 207 bones inside the human body, and no, I don’t want 208.
  5. History
    George Washington chopped down that cherry tree and lied about it and Abe Lincoln covered it up because he hates lies. Right?
  6. Geography
    New Jersey is the most densely populated state. Which is not surprising because it is the best one.
  7. The Kanye/T. Swift Feud
    I knew all along that she was a shiesty bitch.
  8. Agriculture
    *cough cough* 420 *cough cough*
  9. Microbiology
    The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
  10. Climate Change
    It is hot outside.
  11. Fine Dining
    Sometimes I put hummus on my bagel instead of cream cheese.
  12. Stock Market
    I saw The Big Short so I’m pretty much an expert.
  13. Dancing
    I can hit a pretty crisp dab.
  14. Ecology
    Trees and shit.
  15. Nutrition
    Those pizza rolls I ate at 3 a.m. were not healthy.
  16. Photography
    My Instagrams consistently break 200 likes, so.
  17. Human Rights
    Um, pretty obvious here. Everyone is equal. Not rocket science.
  18. Rocket Science
    They go into space. It’s not brain surgery.
  19. Brain Surgery
    Corpus collosum.
  20. Grammar And Syntax
    I make words do good.
  21. Dentistry
    You gotta floss sometimes.
  22. Anthropology
    Very expensive clothing store.
  23. HTML Coding
    How else do you think I put this shit in italics?
  24. Music
    Jazz sucks.
  25. Philosophy
    What is this article *really* about?
  26. Space
    Pluto is not a planet anymore.
  27. Oceanography
    I go to the beach, like, all the time.

See? Who needs politics anyway?

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.

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