29 Things I Would Rather Do Than The Reading For This Class

An Open Letter To My Mid-Semester Self

Ugh. It’s only the second day of classes and already my professor is assigning full chapters to read. I promised myself this summer that I would buckle down and work hard, but that’s way easier said than done. Seriously, I would rather do anything than actually read what we’re supposed to for the next class.

  1. Daily mandatory recruitment practice.
  2. Bedazzle each empty bottle of wine that is lining the top of my kitchen counters.
  3. And in the process, burn off each one of my fingerprints with a hot glue gun.
  4. Relive every breakup I’ve ever had.
  5. Wear heels to class that is in the farthest building on campus.
  6. Teach a dog to read.
  7. Go a year without Diet Coke.
  8. Individually coat each eyelash with mascara.
  9. Never break 100 Instagram likes again.
  10. Never get any Instagram likes again.
  11. Lose my ability to shotgun a beer like a champ.
  12. Watch door stack videos on repeat for 48 hours straight.
  13. Have to shave my legs every two hours.
  14. Attend a Pure Barre class.
  15. Attend a yoga class.
  16. Attend any group exercise class.
  17. Fail to do a pull up in front of a class of judgmental middle schoolers.
  18. Let my incompetent cousin practice perming on my hair.
  19. Never be able to find a date to formal again.
  20. Be allergic to peanut butter.
  21. Accidentally send my professor a nudie.
  22. Have a month long period.
  23. Count out loud from 1 to 138,573 by 3s.
  24. Have my parents give me “The Talk” again in full detail.
  25. Give a blow job.
  26. Only go to underaged bars.
  27. Delete Facetune.
  28. Have an 8 a.m. class on Fridays.
  29. Write a list of horrible things that I’d rather do than the reading.

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.

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