1. You don’t want to exist in a place where boys aren’t allowed in bedrooms.
2. This is college. Not your dad’s house.
3. And you’re not about to make them leave the living room at 10 p.m. because of curfew.
4. You’re not about to do anything because of curfew. Because curfew isn’t a word in your vocab anymore.
5. If you thought your parents played favorites, just wait until you coexist with a house mom.
6. You know that “in house” chef who everyone brags about? Yeah. She feeds you fried food every day.
7. And you’re actually trying to not gain 200 pounds before your twenty-first birthday.
8. Or on the flip side, she only serves healthy shit, and you want to get your carb fill while your metabolism is still in overdrive.
9. Why would you ever want to live where the standards chair lives?
10. Or a place where being “dry” is enforced?
11. Sure, girls break that rule. But you don’t want “home” to be a location where you can’t walk around sans-clothes, drinking directly from the bottle.
12. Plus? Not being able to keep alcohol in the house? Nope. Not for you.
13. Weed. You can’t smoke weed.
14. Okay. You can smoke weed if you’re sneaky. But sneaking around the house mom when you’re high AF sounds like your personal version of hell.
15. So. Much. Yelling. All. The. Time.
16. Or so many people telling you to keep it down when all you want to do is live your loudest life.
17. You love your sisters, but the thought of being around them 24/7 makes you low key want to die.
18. And having to make small talk with new members when they get lost and wind up in your room? Pshhh.
19. Masturbate. How the fuck are you supposed to masturbate?
20. And fuck? How the fuck are you supposed to fuck?
21. In the car like some type of high school quasi-virgin?
22. You get roped into things you really don’t want to do.
23. Like going out.
24. Or being DD.
25. Or volunteering at a retirement home for sick, vegan, animals — or whatever your philanthropy is.
26. You can’t lie and say you’re sick to skip chapter.
27. Or that your tire is flat.
28. Or that your cat died.
29. Because guess what? Every lives with you, so they can pop in and check on you.
30. PLUS, you can’t have cats in house. So everyone knows that you’re one bitch without a pussy.
31. Fifty girls, five showers.
32. And if you have any qualms about pooping in public, this whole situation is your worst nightmare.
33. You’re basically on campus, so it’s hard to find an excuse not to go to class.
34. And everyone knows your schedule, so if you don’t go, someone on exec will guilt you for it.
35. Sharing a room with three other girls? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.
36. And if you decide to spend more and more time at your boyfriend’s house, you’re guaranteed to get a whole bunch of crap about it.
37. Someone will always be in your parking spot.
38. So you’ll always have to write a cunty Facebook post about it.
39. “Ladies! I just tried to park, but there’s a red Jetta in my spot. We’ve mentioned a million times that ONLY in house girls can park here. Please move it immediately because I have to get to class.” 
40. Your closet is everyone’s closet.
41. And your new shirt that cost a whole paycheck and that you haven’t worn yet?
42. Yeah. A new member who thinks she lives in house is going to borrow it for her date with some fuckboy and spill vodka cran all down the front.
43. Girls are just hanging out in your bed all of the time.
44. And you’ll honestly never get a second alone. Ever.
45. Plus, during recruitment, initiation, Greek week, homecoming, socials, and literally any event, people are crowding in your room at all hours leaving their shit everywhere.
46. And while you love the idea of hanging out with your sisters from dawn until dusk, you’d rather love them from afar.
47. While smoking a blunt, getting drunk, and getting laid.

Some girls just aren’t cut out for the in house life..

Nice Move212

Respond

Email this to a friend

Hey, I saw this on Total Sorority Move. Check it out.

Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

• @rachelvarina
• @rachelvarina
• rachalloy
• rachel@grandex.co