There are some things that everyone is just good at. Most of us have got blinking down. And canceling plans? That’s our shit. How about eating more than we should even though we told everyone we were on a diet? Hell yeah. But the one thing that we’re not all good at that might totally surprise you? Sex.
Yeah, I know. I lowkey thought we were all naturally good at it too. I mean, not the guys. But the girls, right? We just sort of lay there and think about what we’re going to watch in 7-10 minutes, right? RIGHT?! Apparently not. Because you know, we didn’t have enough to stress out about, now we can be bad at sex too. Yay. In a recent article by Daily Mail, sex therapist Tracey Cox explains how, exactly, not to suck in the bedroom (disclaimer, I think you actually do have to suck, to not suck, if that makes sense. Sorry). Take notes, or don’t. But when you’re upset that your boyfriend fell asleep mid-penetration, don’t blame me.
1. You Listen
Shockingly, one of the first things you need to do is listen. Basically, if your boyfriend says he’s really into something (let’s just say being the dominant role) but you never ask him or you never explore that area of sex, he won’t feel as fulfilled. And then you’ll feel like you’re bad at sex, when really you just aren’t doing what he likes.
What to do: Ask him what he’s into. It’s literally that easy. (But if you’re too scared, have him take this quiz. Trust)
2. You Customize
The first step is to have the basics down. If you’re not good with your hands, get to it. If oral isn’t your thing, it’s time to hydrate and lick. If you’re too scared to look directly at a penis, it’s time to get over your fear. The only way you can get good with the weird stuff, is to be good at the basic stuff. And then when you have that down, you can (and should) tailor these basics for each person. Some guys love hands. Some guys hate hands. Some guys have no hands. You get what I’m saying.
What to do: Do some digging on Youtube. When you’re home. Alone. You’ll learn everything you need to know (and plenty of stuff you didn’t want to know).
3. Practice
Hey, if it’s what the doc ordered, how can you argue? The more sex you have, the better you’ll be at it and the more you’ll like it.
What to do: I think you can figure this one out for yourselves.
4. Don’t Judge
You know what’s sexy? Asking your boyfriend what he’d like to try, and then when he suggests something (let’s just say it’s a threesome because when are they not suggesting threesomes?) you flip a fucking shit and start crying and make him feel like an asshole. Yeah, that’s hot. But shockingly, the way to “be good” at sex is to do the opposite. Ask him what he’d be into. Don’t freak out with what he says. Even if you don’t want to do it, just talking about it and not making him feel like a boner will be a turn-on.
What to do: Talk to him? Listen to what he says and respect him as a person? Don’t breathe fire when he suggests something you don’t like?
5. You Try New Things
I know I just said you don’t have to try your boyfriend’s weird kinks. But Imma pull a Taylor Swift and sort of go against that. You don’t haveeee to try them. But why not? One of the things that keeps sex, and I guess life, interesting is the “why not” mentality. So it’s not something you would normally do. That doesn’t mean you won’t love it, or he won’t love you for at least giving it a shot.
What to do: Don’t be a pussy. USE your pussy. Stop cringing at the word pussy (jk, it is a bit aggressive).
6. Communication
I know, I know. It seems so basic. “Talk about sex? Okay, sure.” But the thing is, even if you talk about it, odds are you’re doing it wrong. It’s advised that you get real descriptive, real fast. Use positive feedback WHILE you’re doing it (like, “oh my God, I love it when you do that thing with your elbow), and negative feedback after (like, “you’re really good, I’m just not a fan of the way you rub your dick between my knees”). Being cool and unembarrassed about what you like, don’t like, and want will make you seem confident and the banging seem better.
What to do: Have a box of wine and talk about what you like. Be honest. He’ll do the same. You’ll live happily ever after.
7. You’re Not Self-Conscious
And finally, the most annoying piece of advice. “BE CONFIDENT!” Nothing makes me want to roll my eyes and shower with the lights off quite like assuring me that my pizza roll-filled body is “sexy.” But the thing is? It is sexy, with the right perspective. And everyone is beautiful and blah, blah, blah. Obviously, not everyone can look like a supermodel (or they can but I hate moving my body at all so that life is out for me) but feeling good about myself and not being weird naked will make me more appealing. As the doctor explains, “having sex with the light on and on top of the covers with an average body is going to get you a lot further than looking like Gigi, clutching the covers up to your chin and wanting complete darkness.”
What to do: Realize that this person is having sex. They’re doing the best thing in the world. And they think you’re hot enough to do it with. Because trust me, whoever is in your bed is damn lucky to be there.
Or you can just keep having mediocre sex with some guy who lets you use his Netflix password. Either works, really..
[via Daily Mail]
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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