If there’s one person in this wide, crazy world I can say I love with all of my heart, it’s an easy answer. It’s not my mom. It’s not my fiancé (God, how obnoxious). It’s not the rich, fictional, and soon-to-be-dead distant relative that will give my all of their money upon their passing.
No, the one person I love with all of my heart and soul is, of course, John Krasinski. Ever since I first laid eyes on him in “The Office,” I dreamed of laying on him in other ways too. I planned our lives together. I learned everything there was to know about him. I drunk tweeted him whenever I downed a bottle of two buck chuck. He was my love. My person. My guy.
And then, I found out, he was fucking married.
The worst part? It was to Emily fucking Blunt, one of the coolest gals in Hollywood. Fuck me, right? Except he wasn’t going to because, you know, he’s married to Emily Blunt.
Anyway, the point is, John Krasinski is taken, Emily Blunt is the winner, and, naturally, they’re disgustingly adorable together. Seriously. Just look at this shit.
So, yes. They’re both hot and talented and wonderful together and blah blah blah. WE GET IT. But, since life is terrible, things got even worse for all of us who were hoping to snatch Jim away from the bitchy girl from “The Devil Wears Prada.”
This married duo is starring in a movie together. A movie directed by John Krasinski. And produced by John Krasinski. And the worst part is? It looks goooooood. The trailer just dropped on this thriller and like, have you ever seen a better beard on a man?
So, yeah. I mean, on one hand, she still looks better than me in this film even though she looks like absolute shit. And on the other hand, she’s sleeping with the director! It doesn’t get any kinkier than that. While “A Quiet Place” looks scary, the most frightening part is that it looks like he’ll never be mine. Still, if he changes his mind, my DMs are always open..
Image via Shutterstock
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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