Hannah Kearney’s post-Olympic goal being to become the world’s best homemaker. TSM.

Chasing tequila with more tequila. TSM.

Now accepting applications for a formal date. GDIs need not apply. TSM.

Doing it for your senior speech. TSM.

Facebook stalking his mother. TSTC.

Viewing dry week more like a suggestion than a rule. TSM.

Julia Mancuso wearing a tiara while accepting her Olympic medal. TSM.

Knowing you’re going to get flowers on Valentine’s Day, but forgetting the name of the boy who’s sending them to you. TSTC.

Stalking the Pinterest page of your rival sorority’s recruitment chair. TSM.

Pulling an all-nighter to finish a cooler, but refusing to pull one to finish studying. TSM.

Drunkenly writing your name on every fraternity house wall. TSM.

Crafting under the influence. TSM.

Forgetting that you’re not actually 21. TSM.

“The longest relationship I’ve been in is with this bottle of wine.” TSM.

Getting a separate monogrammed necklace to match the name on your fake ID. TSM.

“Body language is the number one way to get a guy.” -Ursula to Ariel. TSM.

She wouldn’t even look good with a tan and a filter. TSM.

“I have to do my makeup before we study.” TSM.

Putting “Perfect hair” under the skills of your resume. TSM.

“I still need my drunken Saturday nights at Rock’N Sushi, okay?” -Helen Harris. TSM.