Knowing exactly how to tell if each one of your sisters is drunk. TSM.

Sunday: a day to upload. TSM.

While babysitting, I mentally renovate and decorate the family’s house. TSM.

Poop is weight leaving the body. TSM.

I don’t understand how the US Postal Service is lacking business. I always mail my handwritten thank-you cards. TSM.

If one of the ingredients is a mix, you’re not really baking. TSM.

Post-shacking remorse. TSM.

Celebrating your birthday like it’s a national holiday. TSM.

He wears the pants, but I pick them out. TSM.

You can take the wine from the sorority girl, but the sorority girl WILL whine. TSM.

Bacon may be fattening, but he still needs to bring it home. TSM.

Knowing your little is being a slut, but defending her anyway. TSM.

He came. I faked. We conquered. TSM.

Going into hiding during the 8 hours that you can’t shower after your spray tan. TSM.

The only three things a guy should want to change about a girl are her last name, her address, and her point of view on men. TSM.

Career Day in elementary school I went as Martha Stewart. TSM.

The CEO of Target was in my Sorority. Everything in my life makes so much more sense now. TSM.

You’re limiting how much I’ll spend on my little? Yeah right. TSM.

De-friending people on Facebook when they send you invites for things that no one cares about. TSM.

Being thanked by my internship for giving them “something to look at all summer.” TSM.