Feminism is for ugly girls. TSM.

I keep my boyfriend on a really tight leash, his croakies. TSM.

My summer internship is managing the staff at our summer house. TSM.

My goal was to look like I’m too good for you, and I nailed it. TSM.

Pretending to study in the library while really just shopping online and listening to T Swift. TSM.

Made my date hold my purse all night and then my hair. TSM.

Shacking, my way to avoid drunk eating. TSM.

Having to secretly smoke my cigarettes so my sisters won’t judge me. TSM.

If you’re shorter than me, don’t talk to me. TSM.

The only homemade gifts I’ll be giving this holiday season will come from my family’s vineyard. TSM.

The two guys I “lost my virginity to” are in the same fraternity. TSM.

I would have left Jack handcuffed in the Titanic and enjoyed my life being rich. TSM.

I inherited Grandma’s pearls and lack of a gag reflex. TSM.

I may go to a Northern law school but I subscribe to Southern Living. TSM.

Brushing two nights of sex knots out of my sorority sister’s hair. TSM.

Had to do the walk of shame twice because I forgot my pearls. TSM.

Formal in Memphis tonight and yes I will order the filet and only take three bites. TSM.

I feed on drama because it’s calorie-free. TSM.

Even my vibrator has its own Lilly Pulitzer monogrammed bag. TSM.

We took a party bus to the party bus. TSM.