Threw up Natty & bile at work today. I’m a kindergarten teacher. TSM.

My first born son’s name will end with roman numerals, the second’s name will be Peyton or Manning. TSM.

Trying to lose 2 pounds. TSM.

My GDI roommate sleeps around to fill the void of getting dropped. TSM.

Ran 6 miles in my Nike shorts today. TSM.

Every group of girls has a fat friend. If you’re GDIs. TSM.

If retail therapy is wrong, I don’t want to be right. TSM.

I have to make a conscious effort to not look at myself in the window of every building I pass on campus. TSM.

GDI, the biohazard symbol on your graphic tee is a SEVERE understatement. However, I’ll heed it’s advice and stay far away. TSM.

GDI, the lip ring isn’t a cute look. TSM.

Watching Sarah Palin’s Alaska while running on the treadmill. TSM.

My monogrammed thank you cards have the recipe for my favorite cupcakes on the back. TSM.

Getting my nails done twice every week because they get messed up baking cookies. TSM.

Nicknaming your 400 pound advisor ‘The Grenade’ because she got initiated at a shitty chapter. TSM.

Double first names. TSM.

I drunk eat carrots and celery. TSM.

Dear standards,
sorry for partying. TSM.

Your school colors clash. TSM.

I can unbutton an oxford in less than 7 seconds with one hand. TSM.

Nothing turns me on more than watching a guy drive 371 yards. TSM.