A dad just asked if my monogramed Jon Hart satchel was a King Ranch bird bag. TSM.

Glad I’m not wearing my sorority letters, this means I can throw up in a bush. TSM.

Got a fraternity pledge’s number at a party. Invited him over and made him clean the house. TSM.

The pledge reading TFM’s to me knows to skip any post ending in TSM. TFM (This post was written by a pledge on my dictation. TFM)

Cargo shorts are my pet peeve. TSM.

The sole purpose of my father’s natural gas wells in Wyoming are to underwrite my ability to purchase and show six figure horses. TSM.

Making a pledge write a ten pager on the history of Classic American Fashion. She should know better than to wear gold Jack Rogers with her silver pledge pin. TSM.

I do my fratdaddy’s laundry, but Campus Laundry Services does mine. TSM.

My slampiece told me she did the walk of shame straight into her standards hearing Sunday morning. TSM.

Find the smartest GDI in your class and be nice to him, make him think you’re his friend. Then when the weekend party list goes up, ditch him with the homework & shack with a fratstar. TSM.

They told me that for career fair tomorrow, I shouldn’t look “sexy.” Honestly, I can’t help it. TSM.

Stop looking at me, GDI. TSM.

Daddy has a black AMEX Centurion card. I just got one in the mail with my name on it and a note that says, “Your mother isn’t spending enough now that you’re gone, can you help us out by using $20,000 a month?” TSM.

I wasn’t wearing make- up today, but some GDI girl still asked what foundation I use. TSM.

Chapter dinners are for recapping how drunk and cute we looked on the boulevard, and who we woke up with on Sunday morning. TSM.

Taking cell phone pictures of fat girls around campus and sending them to my sisters as “thinspiration”. TSM.

My big made me a “shack-pack” for my birthday with my monogram. TSM.

Did It on the EX air conditioning unit. TSM.

Wearing Guy Harvey and actually knowing how to fish. TSM.

Having Daddy’s money, Mom’s good looks, Granddaddy’s last name, and Grandmommy’s pearls. TSM.