Take a shot for every guy at the bar wearing the same Patagonia quarter zip. TSM.

Bonging your way to his heart. TSM.

“I’ve only talked to him drunk.” TSTC.

“Show me a picture of him.” TSM.

Second semester seniors, not e-board, holding all the power. TSM.

After a sister studies abroad, feeling sad she didn’t come home with an accent, and happy she didn’t come home with a baby. TSM.

That hot pledge becoming both that hot brother as well as your hot boyfriend after initiation. TSM.

“Where did this bruise come from?” TSM.

Getting your Tinder strategy from Beyoncé: to the left, to the left. TSM.

Facebook’s “People You May Know” regularly proving to be “People You May Have Made Out With.” TSTC.

You were all thinking it. I’m just the one who said it. TSM.

“You’re such a bitch, and I mean that in the absolute best way possible.” TSM.

Budgeting alcohol and drunchies into your diet. TSM.

Hating those indecisive bitches at Starbucks. TSM.

Going on a one-day-only alcohol detox. TSM.

Referring to your standards chair as the “standards czar.” TSM.

“Do it for the Tumblr.” TSM.

Purposely misspelling her name so she knows she’s not even on your radar. TSM.

Craft well. Shop much. Drink often. TSM.

Can sleeping with a guy in the National Guard count towards my philanthropy hours? TSM.