Shaming people is the new “IDGAF.” Instead of not really caring what people say or think, now we really, really care what people say and think. Like a lot. And if someone says something that upsets us, we immediately shout “shaming” at the top of our lungs so that everyone coddles us and makes us feel like less of a victim.
But I digress. Right now, women are mad. What’s new? But this time, they’re mad about something that I find really, really funny: Whether or not squirting is just pee.
Groundbreaking stuff. This whole outrage started when the Journal of Sexual Medicine published a study that said female ejaculation isn’t pee — but squirting pretty much is. Before squirting, the women they tested had full bladders. After? Their bladders were empty. “Female ejaculation,” however, is just a small amount of liquid that’s released from the inner-workings of the lady cave to make things…wetter.
According to the study, 10 to 54 percent of women can do either of those. So naturally, they were pissed AF when scientists were claiming that these women were just peeing everywhere.
And that’s when the shame-claiming started. Squirters started telling stories of how self-conscious they were their first time, and how this isn’t okay to say and blah blah blah. And I’m not saying they’re wrong. Okay, yes actually. That’s sort of what I’m saying.
So here’s the news. Here’s the facts. Squirting has a lot of pee-like qualities. That’s just science. So yes, in essence, you’re peeing on the guy. It might look different and it might smell different, but in essence, that’s what you’re doing. BUT, here’s the kicker: How cool is that?
Hear me out! Picture a guy. Your guy. The guy you want. The guy you hook up with. Picture him. He plays games. He “forgets” to text back. He doesn’t always pay and sometimes he’s an asshole. Okay, a lot of the times he’s an asshole. But gosh, does he make you come. SO, the next time you’re going at it, and you squirt all over him, realize this: You just got to pee on a guy.
And correct me if I’m wrong (JK, I really don’t care) but isn’t that sort of badass? Whether he loves you so much, or you’re just FWB, this guy is so obsessed with you in that moment, he doesn’t even care that you just squirted pseudo-urine all over him. Even more, he sort of loves it. If that doesn’t make you want to give yourself a standing ovation, then I don’t know what will.
So, what here’s what we’ve learned:
1. Squirting is sort of the same as peeing.
2. But it’s okay, because if you low-key hate the guy? Hello secret revenge.
3. And if you love him? Talk about feeling like a goddess.
So to all the squirting ladies out there, don’t feel bad about your superpower. Instead of fearing it, own it. You’ll never be destined for greatness (or great orgasms) if you hide from what you were born to do. Whether you’re a squirter or not, just realize what this means: Guys are totally cool with us peeing in their faces. We won, ladies. We won..
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