How I, A Habitual Sinner, Still Have A Relationship With My Minister Father


Not many people actually understand my family dynamic. Somehow, it is hard to wrap their heads around a Southern minister’s daughter who regularly participates in sinful behaviors. I get the questions “does your dad know about… you know, your life?” “Does your dad respect/accept you?” “Wait…you have a dad? Haha, you don’t act like you do.” fairly regularly. Which is why I am here to set the record straight. Yes, I have a dad. Yes, he is aware of the fact that I am living a little bit less than holy lifestyle. And finally, yes, we have a pretty kick ass relationship.

There’s undeniably a moral grey area being a religious person and living the type of life I live. And although I have personally found nothing wrong with using the same mouth I recite scripture with to also suck off a trail of anons, others have been sure to vocalize their objection. I have been told many, many times that I am a “bad” Christian or somehow not a “real” Christian. Because my faith and all of the hours I put in devoting my time to the less fortunate can be erased by the nights I have spent on my back, apparently. I do understand where some people are coming from, I am a walking sin. But if Jesus could befriend a prostitute than I am pretty sure that I am in the clear. Because, like, I don’t even charge for it. Although I could. I’m really good. I have the receipts to prove it.

It’s also interesting how the people voicing their distaste for me are still willing to listen to my father speak in church. I don’t know, maybe they just assume he has rejected me as a daughter. Well tough shit, Carol, because not only does my dad love me, he tells me he loves pretty regularly. Which is more than I can say about your relationship with your son, I might add. All the time you spent judging me, you son got to know me pretty damn well. So suck it, you rigid old hag.

So maybe I could work on my language or dress a little more conservatively. But at the end of the day, I’m not going to be walking up to Thanksgiving dinner wearing thigh highs, popping bottles, and commemorating my time with all my bitches. While my parents are pretty good at respecting the fact that my college lifestyle is going to stay in college (apart from, ya know, the articles I write for the whole internet to see), I’m also pretty good at respecting how I should act in front of my family.

That’s not to say that I lie to my parents about my sexcapades, of course. It’s just more like selective honesty. Realistically, my parents are aware of the fact that I am not a virgin. If I’m being completely honest, I would be surprised if at this point they believed I had a single virginity left. Ya girl is kind of like the Lewis and Clark of sexuality, no hole has gone undiscovered. But it’s not like I would ever say that. Well I have, but only as a joke.

Because we have this open relationship, I feel comfortable going to my parents in times when it actually matters. For example, missing a few periods is hard enough without worrying about how to tell your mom. And although there has been more than three guys in my life, there have only been three that I have ever let meet my family. You better believe that my entire family is as supportive as fuck when the time comes, and the first to tell me he ain’t shit after things don’t work out. Again.

I’m not delusional. I know my parents are more chill than your average suburban household. Their ability to put my needs first as a human is what makes me feel comfortable with our relationship. I also know that had my dad been less understanding and more strict, I would probably be like a lot of my friends- hiding my sexuality and being less educated on how to keep myself safe. So even in times when it’s hard to tell my family some secrets, I force myself to do it anyway. They are here to support you, even if they don’t agree with everything you are doing.

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Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at [email protected] EDIT** if you suggest Black Mirror she's already seen it. So stop suggesting it. Seriously. Please stop suggesting it.

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