How To Successfully Move On From One Guy To His Friend

Moving Onto His Friend

You know those moments in life when you’re casually hooking up with a guy and it’s pretty much perfect? He is handsome, funny, smart, and has a dick worthy of settling down with. And then everything goes up in flames when he introduces you to a guy in his pledge class. And this new boy could be a Hemsworth. He is funnier, he’s a borderline genius, he walks like he’s packing heat, oh, and he’s rich. You ask yourself what you could possibly do to get under Hemsworth without the consequences. You debate if it would be worth potentially getting shamed by the fraternity, or losing your current fuck buddy as a friend. But then Hemsworth takes off his shirt, your eyes zero in on the V, and you know that it must be done.

Do: Give yourself a buffer zone. If you’re going to homie hop, at least don’t make it that obvious. Stop partying with the guy you’re currently hooking up with and go out to different bars. If you try to immediately hang out with the other brother, you will probably cause tension and end up going home with your first guy anyway. Besides, you really don’t want either of them to watch you with the other.

Don’t: Make moves if it was more than just a casual hookup. When one party thinks the hookup is turning into a relationship and the other…doesn’t, it’s not a great feeling. Don’t be a complete asshole. Problems will occur if you and your guy aren’t just booty calling each other. If he’s taking you on real dates, hanging out with you all day before getting it in at night, or doing anything else that implies he’s interested, then you need to be more sensitive. The only thing worse than watching someone move on while you have feelings is watching someone move on to your best friend while insisting the feelings were never there in the first place.

Do: Be fair. If you fully intend to insert his brother’s dick in any one of your holes, you have to accept that he probably will sleep his way through your sorority. Or at least try to even if he fails miserably. If the idea alone is enough for you to declare World War III on him and any sister he glances at, you should not go for it. In fact, you should probably sit down and reflect on how you really feel about him.

Don’t: Do it for revenge sex. So he slept with your sister or house mom or that random girl that sits three seats to the left of you in one of your lectures, and you’re pissed. How dare he shit on the sanctity that is your drunk nude snaps at 2am on a Friday? Didn’t he know you were totally good friends with what’s-her-face from lecture? Well, revenge fucking his brother is not going to help. Trust. If this guy actually cared about you, it will totally blow in your face, because his friend will respect him and turn you down.

Do: Know your limits. It may be helpful to know what limits you’re comfortable with. Maybe it’s a handful of guys per brotherhood, maybe it’s two, or maybe you don’t give a fuck. Either way it, you do you. I knew a girl who slept with a quarter of the guys in one floor of a dorm, and gave nine of them chlamydia. She also slept with the only three guys I had slept with, but whatever. The point is, you could sleep with five guys in your entire life, but if they’re all friends, they’ll still assume you’re game for anyone. If you don’t care about other’s opinions, than I salute you.

Don’t: Lie about it. It is only a big deal if you make it a big deal. A good rule of thumb is if you feel the need to lie about something, you shouldn’t do it in the first place. Whether it is because your friends have slept with your new target, your current guy will get hurt, or it will cause a rift in their friendship, if you find yourself intentionally holding back information, it probably shouldn’t happen.

Do: Run for sweetheart. If you’ve conquered half the fraternity, you probably have a solid chance for sweetheart. Hell, people are going to assume that’s how you got your title anyway. Besides, if you are going to represent a fraternity and attend all of their events, shouldn’t you have a pretty clear idea of their circumcised to uncircumcised ratio?

Don’t: Stop having fun. No matter how big your Greek community is, people are always going to know everyone’s business. Even if one house is completely filled with older guys, there will always be people who assume you’ve been double teamed. At the end of the day you can do whatever your heart (and vagina) desire. And as long as your actions are not hurting anyone else, then go for it.

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Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at [email protected] EDIT** if you suggest Black Mirror she's already seen it. So stop suggesting it. Seriously. Please stop suggesting it.

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