You know what sucks? Getting dumped. You know what sucks even more? Getting dumped, and finding out that the guy who broke your heart turned around and banged his way though your sorority. This happened to one unlucky girl when she found out that her prince charming was actually a fuckboy in disguise.
To basically sum the story up, a girl breaks up with her boyfriend, and realizes she needs a formal date. She asks a guy who lives in her building, who just so happens to be a friend of a friend. Sure, he has a bit of a reputation but she figures “what the hell” because all she really wants is a hot guy to make her ex jealous. BUT because this is life and nothing ever goes to plan and someone up there is having a jolly good laugh at us, she ends up really liking him.
They go on the formal, she gets drunkity-drunk-drunk, throws up on him, and he’s a total sweetheart about it. So they bang. And then they keep banging. And then they start hanging out AND banging. Next thing you know, they’re getting serious and he tells her that he loves her.
This is where the romantic comedy usually ends. But in a sorority world filled with fuckboys and loose moral values, this is just the beginning.
A few months later, he slowly starts to reveal what kind of person he really is (read: an asshole). He drops hints about girls in the building who want to get with him, just to make our leading lady jealous. Eventually, after a few more months of rockiness, he dumps her. BUT, they agree to stay friends. Which is, of course, code for “he still wants to hook up with her.” She says nahhh to his sexual advances, so he decides to act like a man-child, because that always works out well. He goes so far as to attend formal with one of her sisters (who said she didn’t know they were ever together), because sometimes boys are the actual worst.
So, after an annoying and exhausting back and forth, the stars align and they get back together. Things are great, until they aren’t. It got out that he had had sex with one of the girls in their building who “totally wanted him.” Better yet, she just so happens to share letters with our girl. Strike one. She dumps him. He tells her he’s been hooking up with ANOTHER girl in her sorority, who also lives in her building. Strike fucking two.
So here he is, caught in his lies, yet again begging for her forgiveness. Of course, she doesn’t give in. So, in an absolute desperate attempt to clear his name, he does the one thing that every girl who finds out that guy she loved fucked two of her sisters dreams of.
He bakes her a cake, and crudely decorates it. Because that’s how you say “I’m sorry for breaking your heart and tearing your sisterhood apart.” Carbs. He gives her carbs. Behold, the douchiest of all apologies. A “Whoops, I fucked your sisters” cake.
So sure. Shame on the sisters. Everyone knows you don’t hook up with an ex. That’s just the rules of feminism. As for the guy, part of me thinks he’s a total prick. A cake? Really? The other part, however, is somewhat impressed. Most of us don’t get a cake. At least now she has her cake, can eat it too, and gets one last chance to tell him that his dick is small and to go to hell. I’m not sure what’s worse. The fact that he made her a cake to say sorry, or the fact that I’m lowkey jealous. Ugh. What a world we live in..
Image via Shutterstock
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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