Mailbag: I Fell For A F*ckboy


Hi Rachel,

I am not the type of person to become emotionally attached to someone. More than that, I don’t like the idea of being in a relationship at such a young age. I’m in college. This is the time for me to be free and do whatever I want. But there’s this one guy who is just so irresistible to me. No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to get him out of my head.

I met him a little over a year ago and sparks started flying from the very beginning. We stayed in touch throughout the year, even with our separate relationships and affairs. But now we are both recently single, so things happened. I drunkenly slept with him for the first time about a month ago, and once more after that. He confessed his feelings for me, and I had never felt happier. But now he has cut off all communications with me, and I have no idea why.

I saw him last night for the first time with another (fucking gorgeous) girl. A girl I didn’t know. And I don’t know what his relationship with this girl is. If they’re just “friends,” going out and having a good time together, or nothing. But still, I got REALLY jealous.

I don’t know if I was a rebound. I don’t think he, let alone anyone, would confess feelings for someone if it was just a rebound, right? I don’t know what to do, or say, or how to compose myself around him. Because the truth is, I don’t know if I’m trying to make him jealous or just make myself more desirable. Worse than that, I often find myself wondering if he’s worth my time. And I only think he is because of the feelings I’ve had for him, and I can’t tell you the last time I’ve had such feelings for someone. However, he also seems like a fuckboy. I don’t know what to do. Seeing him with another girl really stung. Help?

I Fell For A Fuckboy

Dear Fuckboy Lover,

Welcome to an elite group of girls who fall for the wrong guy. JK. It’s pretty much all of us.

The guy you described sounds like the clichéd heartbreaker. He’s hot. He makes you feel special. He laughs at your jokes and you’re pretty sure that your story will have a When Harry Met Sally ending. Ready for the cold, hard shitty truth?

He doesn’t want to be with you. And do you know what else? You shouldn’t want to be with him either.

I know, I know. You guys totally meshed. And you have sooooo much in common. He said he liked you. But hear me out. First of all, he was contacting you while he was in a relationship? Talk about textbook red flag. If he’s being a dick to his girlfriend, it’s pretty much a sign that he’s going to be a dick to you eventually.

Now, why did he stop talking to you? I think you know the answer to this. Because he got what he wanted. How sick is that? But unfortunately, it’s true. For the past year he’s had you on the backburner. And sure, you might have had a good time, and maybe he actually sort of liked you, but truth is, he wanted to have sex with you. And now that he has, he wants to have sex with someone else.

So, you have a few options here.

You can try to talk to him. If you think that there might be real feelings there, then speak up. Unless you say something, he’s just going to go screw other girls. He might try to hook up with you again too. But he’s not going to know that you want something more unless you speak up. People can grow up. Boys can change. But before you lay it all out there, be prepared for him to say exactly what I just said. If he’s showing up somewhere with another girl after the two of you just hooked up, not only is he not boyfriend material, but he’s a total dick.

If you decide to say “to hell” with him, which is the best choice, then just move on. Troll him when he texts you, or don’t answer him at all. Stop stalking his Instagram, and think of the annoying way he slurps his drinks or something. Just realize that you’re worth so much more than his bullshit and enjoy not being tied down in college. Or hook up with one of his friends. Sure it’s shitty, but hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

So, to answer your question, no. He’s not worth your time. You know he’s a shithead. He’s hooking up with other girls and doesn’t seem to care about your feelings. This isn’t Gossip Girl. You’re not Chuck and Blair. The chances of you two ending up together, and him actually growing up, are so, so slim. Stop wasting your time, and emotions, and let the other girls have him. Trust me, the sting you feel now is nothing compared to how you’ll hurt after wasting more of your time on him. Haven’t you ever heard a pop song? Falling for the wrong person isn’t new, it isn’t cute, and it isn’t fun. Move on. There are plenty of more bad choices and mediocre sex without him, trust me.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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