Mailbag: I Got Dumped Over Text


Dear Rachel,

When I was a freshmen in college I fell head over heels for a boy. He was in my favorite fraternity, treated me like a queen, and made me feel like the most special girl in the world. The next eight months were like a dream and I truly thought he could be the one. Over summer things were rocky and by the end of it, we had broken up. I thought I had experienced pain but nothing in my life prepared for my sophomore year of college. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, I was blacking out to keep numb and he was living his life like I was never a part of it. It took time but eventually I was okay. Of course there were days when I would break down again, but for the most part I had moved on.

Throughout our year broken up, we had several drunken nights together which did a lot more harm than good. By the end of the school year we weren’t speaking and were no longer casual drunk “buddies.” That was until he decided to fuck my life up again. He tried reaching out for several weeks with no success. Finally he went as far to say he was lost without me and I was the only reason he’s ever smiled. Dramatic I know. Nonetheless, I was bored, it was summer, and I thought what the hell.

We had an amazing few months. In our time apart, we both grew and matured and I honestly thought this time was different. Everything was going fine in my eyes until out of the blue one afternoon I received a text simply stating “we were over.” No explanation, no reasoning. That was that. I was confused and upset and tried calling with no answer. The silence has been ongoing. Now I may not be the most sane girl in the world, but I am certainly not the craziest and I have no clue what the hell to do. Everyone says just to move on, but thats easier said than done. We have all the same friends and I honestly have no idea how to handle a breakup that occurred over a fucking text message. If you have any ideas please help me out.

Boys Suck

Dear Boys Suck,

Once upon a time, before texts and before stalking a guy obsessively on social media, a girl was dumped via Post-it note. Maybe you remember her, or maybe you’re one of those (crazy, misguided) people who didn’t watch Sex and the City. Either way, just so you know, it happened. A girl, who really, really liked a guy was in an on-again off-again relationship. Things were good. Then they weren’t good. So the couple took a break. Then they got back together. Then he left. But not in a somewhat classy, “it’s not you, it’s me let’s lie and say we’ll still be friends” way.

Nah. He dumped her using a little, yellow Post-it note. And just like you, she didn’t know what the actual eff to do.

Because the thing is, you really, really liked this guy. Hell, you might have even loved him. When you think back, you remember all of the amazing times you had together. Laughing in bed, chowing down on food, sharing secrets and admitting dreams. It was perfect. And he was perfect. And together, the two of you were perfect. And then, one day “out of nowhere,” he left. And he couldn’t even say it to your face.

But no matter how much you think he was “the one” are you ready for the kicker? He wasn’t. And even more than that — you knew it all along.

I know you don’t think so. You’re sitting there, sobbing your eyes out while your dreams remain tattered and your broken heart is causing you physical agony. But the thing is, you knew it wasn’t right over a year ago when you broke up for the first time. You knew it each and every time you hooked up with him (even though you were no longer together) and you would leave feeling empty. And you knew it before you even looked at that text. Because chances are, there were warning sings. And even if it was as perfect as you say, the warning sign is the fact that he left you before. Many, many times. He would ignore you for months, and then come crawling back, saying all of the right things.

But it wasn’t because he loved you and it wasn’t because “he was lost without you.” It was because he was lonely. And you were there. And to him, you’ll always be there. Which shows that hey, maybe you’re the one for him, or maybe you’re his safety net. But he is not the one for you. And you’re not going to be his safety net anymore.

Because each and every time you laid in his bed and he held you in his arms, he shouldn’t have let you go. When he was living his life like you didn’t exist, he should have been wishing that he could have had you back. And when he stared at the phone, deciding if he should have sent that text, he should have deleted it. Gotten his car. And hugged you really, really tight.

But he didn’t. He didn’t do any of that. Because the guy you’re meant to be with isn’t him. How do I know? I’ve never met you, and I sure as hell have never met him. I know, because you’re so much better than that. You’re better than some pussy (yeah, I said it) who’s too afraid to tell you in person that it isn’t working out. You’re better than someone who silences your calls when all you want is an explanation. And you’re better than someone who doesn’t want you.

Love is tricky. And people make mistakes. But this? This isn’t a mistake. This is a blessing. Because the guy you’re supposed to be with isn’t getting drunk to forget you ever existed, and he’s not telling you that it’s over without so much as some eye contact.

So what do you do? I would say move on, but it’s more than that. Block him. Delete him. Both on social media and in life. Stop trying to call someone who doesn’t want to hear it. Stop feeling like you need to move on from someone who was never fully invested with you. Why did he leave? I don’t know. You might never know either. but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. He’s not here anymore, and you don’t want him back (you really, really don’t).

Which is great! It’s so, so great. Because each wrong person is just one person closer to finding a great one. Each bad experience is just one lesson closer to learning something great. And each heartache is just one step closer to making us stronger, better, more empathetic people. So yeah. You lost him. But what, exactly did you lose? A relationship that was always on the rocks? A guy who couldn’t decided if he wanted you? Someone who never made you feel good enough? He’s not the one. But the guy you’re looking for is still out there. And I can promise you that he’s so happy that you gave up on this asshole so that you could someday be with him. Sometimes you just have to forget the Berger so you can find your Mr. Big.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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