Every sorority has its notable alumni. Mine is the writer of the iconic movie, that I just so happened to have loosely based many of my major life decisions around: Legally Blonde. If you’re in a sorority, you can likely name some other notable sorority women: Sheryl Crow, Lucy Lui, Jennifer Garner, Alicia Keys, and Elizabeth Banks, to name a few. Even if you aren’t claiming them as part of your sisterhood, their names have popped up during every yearly recruitment video. However, the next famous name that will sure to be thrown around a lot the next time you and your cult try to convince girls to join the sorority life? Meghan Markle, aka, the next IRL princess.
The actress, and, more importantly, Kappa Kappa Gamma alum, recently became engaged to Prince Harry, and her sorority has been quick to jump on the attention train; sharing a photo of Markle when she was just 19 years old. Which, if you were wondering, was 17 years ago (I need the name of the eye cream and/or plastic surgeon she’s using).
Forget marrying a frat guy who somehow managed to get his shit together in time to make it into law school, and eventually inherit his father’s already well-established firm. Markle has set the bar higher: the new goal of every sorority girl is to marry a prince.
Let’s be honest, when first hearing it, it sound downright impossible to go from frat royalty to actually royalty. Being Sweetheart may be cute and all, but it certainly doesn’t come with anything more than access to 60 of their gross sweaters and an excuse to sleep at the frat house without judgement. In order to seamlessly change your title from VP Social to Duchess, there are some steps that you have to take:
1. Pick and choose your mixers carefully
While Prince Harry may have a questionable past, there’s a reason that we haven’t found pictures of Markle in a tube top made out of a trash bag and a skirt created from caution tape, chugging out of a keg. As fun as mixers are, there’s no denying that most of the costumes that you wear would give your grandmother a heart attack and *she’s* had to put up with your shit for the past twenty-something years. Do you know what fragile, elderly lady isn’t well versed in dealing with an American sorority girl? The Queen. Not only would your ABC party costume cause her to faint, but it’s likely she would snatch the ring right off your finger the first chance she got.
2. …or at least ensure you don’t have photos of them
Ok, ok, so avoiding mixers might be too drastic of a step. However, if you want to be royalty, you have to put at least some effort into it. If there’s no way that you can avoid showing up to a frat house in your cutest lingerie at least once a semester, just ensure that there are no photos taken of you. Sure, your Instagram game may be lacking, but I’m sure that it’s not going to make or break your royal relationship if you don’t have over 1000 followers.
3. Do something generous, or kind, I guess
No, I don’t mean making out with the loser legacy at a frat party because you’re worried he’s never been kissed before. Since you’ve already joined an organization that likely has philanthropic ties, you may as well take full advantage of it. The royal family will likely be much more respective to you giving back to a charitable organization (and that one time that you wore a bikini and participated in a frat car wash does not count). Think about it this way: not only are you getting one step closer to a royal’s heart but you’re doing some good in the process. Just remember to get a photo op out of it.
4. Get your ass abroad
No matter how much soup you serve or how prudish you are at frat parties, you’re never going to win a royal’s heart when you’re all the way across the pond. Do an exchange, or guilt your parents into sending you on an elaborate grad trip. While there’s no way that you can casually just show up at Buckingham palace, and hope for the best (which is unfortunate, since showing up to the frat house worked when you were trying to sleep with its president), if you play your cards right, or just fine-tune your stalking abilities, I’m sure you’ll run into your future royal husband soon enough..
Image via Shutterstock
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crazygirlfriend
Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at crazygirlfriend.tsm@gmail.com Watch the bitch behind these stories at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrp2D9h3SMk&t=67s
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