People Name Dwayne Johnson As The Sexiest Man Alive, Proving Voting Is Fucked Across The Board

People Name Dwayne Johnson As The Sexiest Man Alive, Proving Voting Is Fucked Across The Board

People had been on such a good streak. In the past four years, David Beckham, Chris Hemsworth, Adam Levine and Channing Tatum have all been excellent picks. Cute guys, with heads that don’t look like bowling balls.

Sure, The Rock might have been sexy during his wrestling career in the ‘90s. He knew who he was, and wasn’t pretending to be anything else. He was a mass of muscle, standing at 6’5″ 245 pounds who existed for men to marvel at as he pummeled weaker beings who weren’t as good for ratings.

Ellen Degeneres, being the authority on sexy men that she is, helped Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson announce his status as a sex symbol to the world on her talk show.

I have a few problems with this. First and foremost, if anything is making him the sexiest man alive, it’s not his sense of humor. Secondly, the fact that his voiceover in Moana, an ANIMATED FILM is what secured his spot as the sexiest man alive has me worried about moms everywhere. What are you doing? Leave the house, please. Stop thinking your options are men shaped like gorillas or the beer gut your husband has acquired. Good grief. This is not a man. This is a cartoon character. Literally.

What can I say, America, this is the second time in a week that an outrageous celebrity was given a prestigious position that he didn’t deserve and I am not here for it.

[via People]

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