People Who Bone A Lot Are Smarter

People Who Bone A Lot Are Smarter

If you want to be more productive at work, recent studies suggest that you should be pulling more late night … and they’re not referring to ones spent hunched over your computer. An Oregon State University professor, Keith Leavitt, released findings stating that having more sex will lead to a higher work satisfaction

The study shows that those who got it on the night before had an advantage at work the next day, “where they were more likely to immerse themselves in their tasks and enjoy their work lives.” I don’t know about most of you, but after a night of fun, I usually wake up very hungover, hungry (for something that isn’t a dick) and wondering if any permanent damage could come from sleeping in fake eyelashes. But, apparently, if you can get over the horror of your man friend seeing what you look like in the direct sunlight, and with exactly 1/5 of your makeup on from the night before; you’ll have a “spring in your step” as you start your 9am job.

Leavitt explains:

“We make jokes about people having a ‘spring in their step,’ but it turns out this is actually a real thing and we should pay attention to it. Maintaining a healthy relationship that includes a healthy sex life will help employees stay happy and engaged in their work, which benefits the employees and the organizations they work for.”

So, essentially, there are two important lessons to be learned from this valuable scientific study:

1. You now have a very valid excuse for not sleeping in your own bed tonight. You’re not horny, you just really want to do well on your report due Monday.

2. Employers should rejoice when you step into the office wearing last night’s clothes. They should celebrate if you nod off a bit at your desk. Hell, they should mix you a bloody mary and order you your hangover food of choice. After all, in the end, it’s benefitting the company.

The feeling of satisfaction lasts a lot longer than the big O. Leavitt explains that this dopamine (think back to grade 10 science class) rush lasts for around 24 hours; giving you more than enough time to be productive, and freshen up before you’re back in someone else’s bed.

So, if you’re busy at work or school, think about hitting the sheets before you hit the books; and make sure that you brag about your methods of success to that bitch Sandra, who is über-competitive with grades, and looks like she’s never seen a dick before in her life, when you score 5% higher than her on your essay. After all, you’re just trying to get (off) ahead.

[via Eurekalert]

Image via Shutterstock

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Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at [email protected] Watch the bitch behind these stories at:

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