The Boner Lifter
Homegirl has no chill. This woman will eye fuck a guy’s face off at the bar just so she can lure him into buying her a Long Island. And you can bet your ass there will be some dry handjob pumping while this classy lady is waiting on her free drink. Her victim is eager to blow his load, so he drags her back to his place in a conquest to rip her clothes off and bang like they’re teenagers who think the world is going to end. This chick will never have scrotum breath because as soon as he’s finished playing with her down south, she’ll call it quits and leave him with blue balls. She “has morals” and won’t bone on the first night. So she gets the rest of her pleasure from knowing that she was capable of getting things kicking in his trousers without having to touch his bare penis. Some may call her a psychopath, but really she’s just an independent woman who puts herself first.
The Dine And Dash
Bow down. This bitch is a mastermind. This is the gal who dresses conservatively to class and always makes straight As. She probably holds a position in the sorority such as scholarship chair or treasurer. Parents and teachers adore her. Dudes truly believe that she is trophy wife material, but in reality, she’s so much more. Her friends look up to her ability to lead guys on until they ask her to go out with them. After she’s had her fun from a date or two eating at new restaurants and attending fancy galas, she moves on. This woman is a hypnotizing animal who preys on guys who will give her free shit. Once she’s had enough, she dumps the one who is chasing her and breaks his poor, pathetic, love-struck heart. Ghosting is her specialty, but she does it respectively because she’s just that sweet of a girl.
The Sexter
Attention enthusiast. The female who sends pics of her lady parts daily isn’t worried about actually getting laid. The sexter just wants loads of compliments from multiple guys saying how voluptuous her junk is even though she hasn’t worked out since she played volleyball in high school. It’s perfectly fine to send nudes every so often, especially with significant others. But this girl’s whole photo album is filled with timed pictures she’s taken of herself twisting her bare body (except panties occasionally) around on a bed managing to hide her face. At least she’s confident.
The Kiss And Diss
Think of this friend as a fish. Guys love fishing. So they’ll throw out their line in hopes to reel in a big slippery, scaly fish. It takes them plenty of tries until they get even a nibble. That’s what this chick does. She’s the one fish who bites, but doesn’t go any further. This woman doesn’t even come out of the water. Boys hope they will get her to go to the next level. But as soon as she gets a taste, she lets go. Little lady is a picky gal who wants to have some nice entertainment while waiting on the right bait because she knows that may take some time.
The Red-Solo Cup Aficionado
She’s grinding. She swanging. She’s doing everything but banging. You know her as the outgoing and obnoxiously loud friend who has the hookup to every party. And there’s a reason guys continuously ask her to attend their events. She entices men by her ability to absentmindedly keep their erection waiting, which in their mind means she’s playing hard to get. And science proves that people fall for other people who show no interest and are unavailable. This hottie will puke her guts up just about every weekend due to the buildup of tequila shots that have been thrown down her esophagus throughout the week, yet never get wasted enough to hop in bed with anyone. She will grind her ass against any guy’s junk, attractive or not, just because she is shitfaced, bored, and wants to feel some D near her V before she passes out on the punch-infused dance floor.
Can’t knock a girl who knows what doesn’t want..
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Kellie Stritz
Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.
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