The Best Sex I Ever Had Gave Me A Concussion


Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to getting down and dirty. Personally, I know that my type of sex scares some people. Not to sound like a hipster, but I didn’t need Mr. Grey to discover I wanted to be whipped. In high school, my friends always knew when I had sex because of the bruises that covered my back and legs. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the cutesy parts of love. I love flowers and being treated like a princess, but the term “making love” grosses me out. I don’t know what is so romantic about being lulled to sleep by his barely there pelvic thrusting. The kind of sex I’m “supposed” to like just bores the hell out of me.

Rough sex isn’t for everyone. Just like I’m never going to like ten minutes of staring into his eyes during missionary, some guys just aren’t cool with what I’m into. Hey, that’s fine with me, because I give disclaimers. I will literally lay everything out for a guy before I sleep with him. What I like, what I expect, and what I am comfortable doing, and if there is any hesitation at all I pull the plug. Why? Because there’s nothing worse than asking a guy to choke you and getting the “I don’t want to hurt you” response. I think it’s a confidence thing on the guy’s end. If they’re not too sold on their abilities, they will most definitely be a little hesitant to be in charge. Understandable, but that not the type of person I want probing around my insides.

But maybe I should stick to the guys that flop around on top of me aimlessly because at least then I wouldn’t physically injure myself like I did a few months ago.

This guy was the second guy I had ever slept with since coming to college. This guy is the definition of an alpha male and was by far the hottest guy in my dorm. Standing at 6’4” with an impressive six pack, I was immediately drawn to him.

His ability to carry me around on his left bicep and bench me with complete ease made me forgive his shortcomings, like the fact that his was an idiot. Homeboy tried to microwave wine to make sake bombs. He has also landed himself in the hospital so many different times that when I hear that he has broken yet another bone, I don’t even call to make sure he’s okay anymore. But as a wise woman once said, “dick too bomb.”

This time in particular has stood out as the best sex of my life. After a night of heavy drinking, I sent him a “wyd?” text and the line was cast. After some quick negotiation, he agreed to skate the few miles to my house provided I take a few more shots while I waited. My hero.

Upon his arrival we made some small talk and pretended that my text to him at 2 a.m. was more than just a booty call. We pounded a few more shots together before he pulled me in to cuddle. This might be my favorite part about him — while he was an asshole in bed, he was a giant teddy bear at heart.

All too soon, our snuggle fest was over and his mouth was on mine. The perfect mix of soft kisses and biting with a massage-like grip and hair pulling made my body feel alive with pain and pleasure. And I honestly didn’t know which I preferred more.

He moved me around like a rag doll, not letting any decision be my own. The final position he decided on was against the wall, holding my arms up above my head and rendering me completely immobile. His pace became quicker and jagged and he sank his teeth into my throat. I screamed out his name, making him ram me harder. He hit me against the wall at full force, intending to bruise my back, but my head smack against it first. I yelped out in pain causing him to momentarily stop.

“Are you okay?” he asked sincerely.

“Yeah, that just really hurt my head –”

“Then stop talking,” he interrupted.

He resumed his rhythm and clamped his hand around my throat tightly. Between the throbbing pain from the back of my head, the lack of oxygen, and the growing tension downstairs, I started to see dark spots.

I pawed at his hand and we locked eyes. He was in full dominance mode and only tightened his grip. My body was in a race to achieve orgasm before losing consciousness and resulted in the most euphoric experience of my life. After making one last, feeble attempt to breathe, I collapsed.

He carried me to the bed and gingerly laid me down. He kissed me softly and again asked if I was alright. My head throbbed in pain but I nodded anyway. The headaches and dizziness as a result were awful, but god dammit it was worth it. Every girl dreams of finding the dick they would die for, but I found the dick that might literally kill me.

And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Image via Shutterstock

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Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at EDIT** if you suggest Black Mirror she's already seen it. So stop suggesting it. Seriously. Please stop suggesting it.

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