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The English Language As Defined By Sorority Girls, Part II

The English Language, As Defined By A Sorority Girl

In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya from “The Princess Bride,” “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Literally

Actual Definition: actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy

Phrase: After Mt. Vesuvius erupted, Pompeii and its people were literally destroyed.

Sorority Definition: nothing about what I’m saying should in any way be taken literally; figuratively

Phrase: She is such a whore. You could literally walk inside her vagina, look around, and leave. She wouldn’t even notice.

Even, The (In)Ability To

Actual Definition: suggests something that is mentioned as a possibility that constitutes an extreme case or an unlikely instance

Phrase: Her PMS was so severe that one could not even speak to her without experiencing an emotional breakdown, likely resulting in said speaker’s untimely demise.

Sorority Definition: used as a standalone verb to suggest that one is no longer able to deal with, comprehend, or fathom the stupidity or audacity of the words or actions a person or persons have just said or done

Phrase: Did she really just subtweet me IMMEDIATELY after we talked things out? I can’t even anymore.

Suicide, To Commit; Kill Myself

Actual Definition: the intentional taking of one’s own life

Phrase: After years of battling severe depression and anxiety, the man committed suicide.

Sorority Definition: often shortened to “commit su” or “KMS,” this is a means of expressing that there is something displeasing to me about the situation I’ve found myself in

Phrase: Mike just walked into this bar, and the last time I saw him, his entire fraternity was walking me out of his bedroom. I’m going to fucking KMS right now.

Stop

Actual Definition: cease from, leave off, or discontinue

Phrase: When she found them jumping on the bed, the babysitter sternly told the children to stop before their mother came home.

Sorority Definition: a command; 1. what you’ve just said is completely shocking to me, and I’d like to hear more; 2. I have no response to your boring story, but I’d like you to believe I am interested

Phrase: And he proposed right there?!?!?! Stop!

Pause

Actual Definition: a temporary stop or rest, especially in speech or action

Phrase: I have to pee. Can we pause it for a minute?

Sorority Definition: used either as a conversation opener when no previous dialogue had taken place or as an interjection to inform the recipient that the previous discussion is no longer relevant; I’ve come upon a pressing question or thought and it’s imperative we drop everything to discuss it immediately

Phrase: After hours of silence, she stood up and said, “Pause. Did I just hear Elizabeth and Danny are dating?”

To read the first installment of “The English Language As Defined By Sorority Girls,” click here.

[via Dictionary.com]

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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