Before I dive into this, I want to be straight about something. I am not a word snob. Sure, I’m mentally correcting your grammar at all times, and if you send me the wrong form of “your” in a text message, I immediately respect you less. That being said, I think the English language is really awesome. It gives us a way to express ourselves to each other and to future generations, it let’s us explore the past, and it allows us to subtweet our exes when they’re acting like total D-bags.
At least, that’s what I thought. And then the new round of words came out in the Oxford Dictionaries, and I kind of think we should give up. According to Cosmopolitan, the be-all-end-all guide to what are considered “real words” just released a new list. And guess what? It’s bad. Like, really, really bad. Like “none of us should ever procreate because we’re all fucking idiots” bad.
Here are a few of my personal favorites. Mind you, these are are being added to Oxford Dictionary’s less strict sister, the Oxford Dictionaries, but it’s still just am embarrassing.
Awesomesauce adj.: (US informal) extremely good; excellent
Beer o’clock n: an appropriate time of day for starting to drink beer
Bruh n: (US informal) a male friend (often used as a form of address)
Butt dial v.: (US informal) inadvertently call (someone) on a mobile phone in one’s rear trouser pocket
Cat cafe n.: a café or similar establishment where people pay to interact with cats housed on the premises
Cupcakery n.: a bakery that specialises in cupcakes
Fat-shame v.: cause (someone judged to be fat or overweight) to feel humiliated by making mocking or critical comments about their size
Fur baby n.: a person’s dog, cat, or other furry pet animalg
Hangry adj.: (informal) bad-tempered or irritable as a result of hunger
Manspreading n.: the practice whereby a man, especially one travelling on public transport, adopts a sitting position with his legs wide apart, in such a way as to encroach on an Adjacent seat or seats
Rando n.: (informal) a person one does now know, especially one regarded as odd, suspicious, or engaging in socially inappropriate behaviour
Guys. Come on. Could anything be more spoiled than adding hangry to the dictionary? Like, sorry you’ve gone five hours without mac n’ cheese, but I think you’ll be fine. Or manspreading? They have to open their legs so they don’t destroy all of their sperm. What’s next? Fuckboy? Something to describe girls who die alone because they complain about being hangry while they’re at cat cafés?
Please. PLEASE. Stop. Can’t we just go back to sounding smart for like, a day? No? Fine. Then can you pass the mac n’ cheese? I’m so fucking hangry I literally can’t even..