This Calculator Tells You How Many Sex Partners You’ve Been Exposed To And It’s HORRIFYING


When it comes to sex, I think people should be smart, but do whatever and whoever the fuck they want. Within reason. You should always get tested, be able to communicate with the person (or people) sticking it in you, and don’t cheat.

The end.

But when it comes to numbers, I don’t think that should ever be an issue. As long as you’re not spreading shit, and you’re respectful, then screw on. But then, a “sex calculator” was released on the interweb and the world as we knew it fucked us.

Literally. The entire world fucked us. At least, that’s what this nifty, new, soul-crushing, sex calculator says. According to “Online Doctor,” their Sex Degrees of Separation test is not only fascinating, but it’s horrifying. We’ve pretty much all had sexual contact with each other. Basically, this calculator takes the number of people you’ve have sex with, and at what age, and figures out a number you never wanted to know.

First, you click the gender you’ve had sex with (men, women, or both, no judgements).

numbersImage via Lloyd’s Pharmacy

Then you add all of the people you’ve done the dirty with.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 10.48.48 AMImage via Lloyd’s Pharmacy

Then you cry.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 10.49.11 AMImage via Lloyd’s Pharmacy

We chose seven as the winning number, because let’s be real. If a guy asks, saying he’s the seventh is a good number to pick. It’s not too high, not too low, and it shows you know your way around a dick. But like, not too well. The whole point of this was to tell you to wear condoms, and hey, maybe it’ll work. And if not, at least we now know how disgusting we truly are.

I know, I know “you just wrote an article about not bagging it” you mumble while typing a furious comment. I hear ya. And I (and much of the population) still hate condoms. Hence the “getting tested” thing. But I think if you’re smart enough to decide to screw someone then you should be smart enough to make the “how should I protect myself” choice. And you should be intelligent enough to realize that it doesn’t matter how many people you’ve had contact with. As long as you’re safe, respectful, and have fun, then carry on.

But, if you want to calculate your sexual past, and immediately feel bad about yourself, click here. But just know, you’re more than a number. Still, much like STDs, don’t go spreading that shit around.

[via Elite Daily, Online Doctor]

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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