9. An Open Letter To Kim Kardashian
Dear Mrs. Humphries,
I hope it doesn’t bother you that I’m referring to you as Mrs. Humphries, and even if it does, you’re going to need to deal with it, because as of today you’re still legally married to the NBA player. The truth hurts worse than standing in a pair of Giuseppe Ziannotti’s for six hours at a Las Vegas club opening, doesn’t it? Anyway, I’m not going to spend time yelling at you for failing as a wife, or the weird way in which you stare at the cameras and speak slowly on any reality TV show you’ve ever been on. Listen Kimmy, we have a much more important matter to discuss here: your pregnancy.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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