I was in a situation very similar to this. I gave my virginity to a boy who didn’t want to date me but who kept me around to sleep with until he found someone better (who happened to be one of my sisters). And while I gave it to him willingly because I believed I was actually in love with him (I wasn’t), there were a few times when I didn’t want to have sex and I let him do it anyway because I knew he would leave me if he wasn’t able to sleep with me anymore. There is one moment in particular that I have nightmares about still even though it was two years ago. We were at an outdoors concert and very, very drunk. So drunk that members of the group of people I was with were wandering off. Being a good friend, I went to get them and lost my ticket in the process. I was visibly upset and crying pretty hysterically. He waited until all of our friends had gone into the concert before he came and sat with me in the car and started to feel me up. I told him to stop and to get off of me but he wouldn’t. His exact words to me were, “Come on, it’ll make you feel better. I just want you to feel better.” I repeatedly told him not to, but he took me to the woods outside the concert venue and I went with him because I was drunk and scared and upset. It was dark and I was alone except for him. He bent me over and did what he needed to do and I cried the entire time.
And I still went back to him. Because I thought I was in love. Because I thought I couldn’t live without him.
I went to therapy over this boy. I knew what he’d done to me was wrong because I said no, but he still brags about it. I hear stories from our mutual friends about how he tells people he had sex outside at the concert venue. It still physically hurts me to think about it. But I didn’t report him and I still slept with him afterwards.
What’s important to think about, and what I think the author is trying to say, is that this happens so much more often than any of us realize, and we don’t have to put up with it. The more we talk about this kind of situation happening, the less it will happen. The more we talk about it, the more women will realize that they don’t have to keep quiet about it happening to them. I felt so ashamed for feeling like I’d been assaulted that night that I never told anyone, not even my best friend. I still don’t feel comfortable saying this happened to me except in a comment with a username no one I know will recognize, largely because of the other kinds of comments I’ve seen on this post. You think this isn’t rape? You think the emotional trauma I’ve been through is invalid because I loved him? You think your rape is the only kind of rape out there? You’re wrong. Rape is rape. You don’t get to define my experiences by your own.
I was in a situation very similar to this. I gave my virginity to a boy who didn’t want to date me but who kept me around to sleep with until he found someone better (who happened to be one of my sisters). And while I gave it to him willingly because I believed I was actually in love with him (I wasn’t), there were a few times when I didn’t want to have sex and I let him do it anyway because I knew he would leave me if he wasn’t able to sleep with me anymore. There is one moment in particular that I have nightmares about still even though it was two years ago. We were at an outdoors concert and very, very drunk. So drunk that members of the group of people I was with were wandering off. Being a good friend, I went to get them and lost my ticket in the process. I was visibly upset and crying pretty hysterically. He waited until all of our friends had gone into the concert before he came and sat with me in the car and started to feel me up. I told him to stop and to get off of me but he wouldn’t. His exact words to me were, “Come on, it’ll make you feel better. I just want you to feel better.” I repeatedly told him not to, but he took me to the woods outside the concert venue and I went with him because I was drunk and scared and upset. It was dark and I was alone except for him. He bent me over and did what he needed to do and I cried the entire time.
And I still went back to him. Because I thought I was in love. Because I thought I couldn’t live without him.
I went to therapy over this boy. I knew what he’d done to me was wrong because I said no, but he still brags about it. I hear stories from our mutual friends about how he tells people he had sex outside at the concert venue. It still physically hurts me to think about it. But I didn’t report him and I still slept with him afterwards.
What’s important to think about, and what I think the author is trying to say, is that this happens so much more often than any of us realize, and we don’t have to put up with it. The more we talk about this kind of situation happening, the less it will happen. The more we talk about it, the more women will realize that they don’t have to keep quiet about it happening to them. I felt so ashamed for feeling like I’d been assaulted that night that I never told anyone, not even my best friend. I still don’t feel comfortable saying this happened to me except in a comment with a username no one I know will recognize, largely because of the other kinds of comments I’ve seen on this post. You think this isn’t rape? You think the emotional trauma I’ve been through is invalid because I loved him? You think your rape is the only kind of rape out there? You’re wrong. Rape is rape. You don’t get to define my experiences by your own.
There’s a chapter at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio now too!