Feeling better about the breakup when you find out he’s actually poor, not just cheap. TSM.

“I admire how you can compliment someone and insult them at the same time.” TSM.

“We have to go out tonight. I did my hair.” TSM.

Life’s problems are like bottles of wine. It’s best if you finish what’s open before starting something new. TSM.

Beer bonging wine. TSM.

I’m not a bitch with an attitude problem. I’m just a bitch with an attitude and you have a problem with it. TSM.

He’s not that cute, but his fraternity brings him up, like, two points. TSM.

We accept the hangovers we think we deserve. TSM.

My favorite lip stain is wine. TSM.