Drunk enough to make wildly embarrassing decisions. Not drunk enough to forget them. TSM.

Blacking out is God’s way of saying, “Don’t worry about it.” TSM.

Dressing like you’re in a sorority. Drinking like you’re in a fraternity. TSM.

The amount of glitter in my bed would make you think I’d fucked the tooth fairy. TSM.

I like my coffee as black as my heart. TSM.

Making a list of potential formal dates and adding to it after every mixer. TSM.

Filling your planner with mixer themes and date parties instead of assignments. TSM.

Being hotter than you are crazy. TSM.